I think I'm ready.

[Backwoodsqueer]

I've been pushed past my breaking point and I'm ready to say my goodbyes to this realm. I have no real personal connections any more or anywhere I belong. It's painfully aware that the people I live with are done living with me and I've run out of housing options.

All of this plus my chronic pain tells me that's it's my time. I have my SN and all required/suggested antiemetics and antacids. I'm left alone for 12+ hours at a time so I feel comfortable doing it at home without being found.

My main concern is my cat. I know he'll be well taken care of after my passing but I also know he'll be *with* me during my passing and the thought of him snuggling up to me as I fade away is the only thing holding me back. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to do that to him but I can't lock him out of the room or he will definitely lead to me being found.

I don't know why I posted this, honestly. I guess I'm just trying to get my final thoughts together and needed somewhere to put it.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm impressed that you are concerned with your cat. I can see what a problem it is. He may not realize what is going on.
Although I know most cats are smart. If the others are gone for 12 hours maybe you could lock him out of your room.

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry life has brought you to the point of having to make this decision. As long as you're 100% sure this is the route you want to take, we're here to support you in whatever way we can. I agree that your cat most likely won't be aware of what's going on, but I can sympathize with your concerns. I'm glad you have a place to share your thoughts and feelings about all of this here

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

I'm impressed that you are concerned with your cat. I can see what a problem it is. He may not realize what is going on.
Although I know most cats are smart. If the others are gone for 12 hours maybe you could lock him out of your room.

The others aren't gone, they're just far enough away in my home that I won't have to worry about them checking on me. However, my cat yowls very loudly if my door is closed and he can't get in so that would definitely raise suspicion.

I'm so sorry life has brought you to the point of having to make this decision. As long as you're 100% sure this is the route you want to take, we're here to support you in whatever way we can. I agree that your cat most likely won't be aware of what's going on, but I can sympathize with your concerns. I'm glad you have a place to share your thoughts and feelings about all of this here

My cat is my entire world. He's only 7 months old and I've never bonded with another creature so strongly so it breaks my heart to leave him behind but I don't feel that I have any other options.

 

[Meditation guide]

My cat is my entire world. He's only 7 months old and I've never bonded with another creature so strongly so it breaks my heart to leave him behind but I don't feel that I have any other options.

I understand completely. They can give love and affection like you've never had before.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I wish you the best and hope you find peace. Sorry you have to leave your cat behind.

 

[ts0hill]

I've been pushed past my breaking point and I'm ready to say my goodbyes to this realm. I have no real personal connections any more or anywhere I belong. It's painfully aware that the people I live with are done living with me and I've run out of housing options.

All of this plus my chronic pain tells me that's it's my time. I have my SN and all required/suggested antiemetics and antacids. I'm left alone for 12+ hours at a time so I feel comfortable doing it at home without being found.

My main concern is my cat. I know he'll be well taken care of after my passing but I also know he'll be *with* me during my passing and the thought of him snuggling up to me as I fade away is the only thing holding me back. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to do that to him but I can't lock him out of the room or he will definitely lead to me being found.

I don't know why I posted this, honestly. I guess I'm just trying to get my final thoughts together and needed somewhere to put it.

if you want someone to talk to I am here. you can message me

 

[Breadbfra]

How affectionate is your cat to you? It may sound a dumb question indeed, but for example mine crave for attention but I'm sure they won't bother at all.

 

[AJ95]

Wishing you peace

 

[Metalhead]

Wishing you a safe and peaceful journey,

 

[bloomingdark]

I hope you have a really nice going into the afterlife, i am sorry life has bring You to this point , if You want someone to talk You can send me a message

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

Thank you for all of the replies, friends. My original plan was to wait until November 2, to honor the birthday of my best friend since childhood who took his own life 7 years ago. I guess I just hoped that lining up our own important days would help me be reunited with him somehow but I just don't know if I can wait two more weeks.

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

My older brothers birthday is in a few days. Now I feel like I have to try to wait because I don't want to ruin that for him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I want to go. I just read Letzte's goodbye-post and I feel like I can do this. Why does the timing have to be so shitty? I'm sick of waiting.

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sick of waiting.

I am too. I hate it that I can't just get it over with now.