Venting I think I'm ready to CTB

[thelastunicorn]

This is my first time coming here looking for something.. I don't know, I'll just vent. I've had struggles with mental health and just have been dealt a bad hand my entire life, some of the craziest things have happened to me. I didn't think I would ever make it to 18, but before I knew it I was 18 and kicked out and homeless. I slowly over the years tried to rebuild anything that I had, but it's so hard. I started dating a friend that I had known for years, and we just had our six year anniversary recently. They know my struggles and my outlook on life. I don't speak to any family and haven't in years, and I work and stay home on my days off so I don't have a single person I could call a friend. They decided to break up with me today, and I just feel like this is the end. We live together so I'm losing my home, my animals, my best friend, my family. I don't know anyone here and don't have a savings or a car so I'll lose my job as well, my life is actually ruined. So, I've decided that this is the end. I didn't think I would make it to 23, but I'm here and I'm beyond exhausted of trying anymore. I'm going to learn the best ways to CTB, and maybe rant and document how I'm feeling here until it finally happens, I'm not sure. All I know is I turn 24 this summer, and I can't make it until then. To everyone that is having a rough day, I hope you all can find a moment to have some peace for yourself, even if it's just something as simple as taking some deep breaths.

 

[Kikorama]

Thats rough, have you tried applying for the military? thats free housing food and you still get paid and you are surrounded by a community

 

[Holu]

I didn't think I would ever make it to 18

Feel this more than anything lol. Also 23. Told myself at 12 I'd kill myself at 16, then when I turned 16 said 18, then 21, and now I'm also 23 lol.

I'm sorry that everyone left you, especially so your family. No idea how your situation is, but at the end of the day nobody chooses to be born. Children can't consent, and family who discard their children when they are no longer legally responsible are reprehensible.

Idk. World so very fucking complicated. I wish we never evolved past sticks and camps tbh. Plus dying early naturally sounds kinda nice.

In the end you have a place here at least to rant. Regardless of how small we are cosmically you do matter. Every voice here does. I've been here a while and I still very much remember many of the people who left.

And hey, remember that the deep breath thing goes for you too. Especially for you with how stressful your situation sounds. Treat yourself to some kindness, especially when nobody else will.