Hi SS friends,
Before I begin this thread, I want to say that this may be triggering for some. There is talk of abortion.
Anyway, I took the abortion pill last night. I thought I would be devastated that I allowed my child to die, but I basically felt nothing. Nothing besides the cramps that one feels when taking the abortion pill.
I expected to cry, to hate myself, to feel intense guilt, but I mostly felt and still feel nothing.
I always thought that getting an abortion would devastate me beyond repair, but it was all just so easy… A little TOO easy, in fact.
I wonder if I'm just in shock or if I really am so dead inside that the only thing alive in me is the physical body. I feel that, each day, I am getting closer and closer to suicide.
I don't have the courage to do it now, but I do strongly feel that, someday soon, I will. Some last straw that broke the cammel's back will happen, and I'll just take my SN on an impulse and leave this shit world behind.
I guess I did the right thing by getting an abortion, I don't know. I'm not a good mother, by any means, though my kids adore me, God knows why. Also, I am extremely anemic and probably wouldn't have been able to carry the pregnancy to term anyway, due to my poor health.
I'm also trying to recover from being hit by a car, and, when I was pregnant, I started feeling really, super tired the last week. So tired I found myself asleep more than I was awake, and, for me, that never happens.
My baby was about eight weeks old. I hope that my little bean is in peace, and I'm glad that he/she will never have to face all the suffering that goes on in this plain.
RIP my little bean. Maybe we'll meet someday. I'm sorry I couldn't show any emotion for you, I tried, I really did, but Mommy's too dead to feel, I guess.
Anyway, thanks for reading my depressing thread. I am grateful to all you guys.
Cupcake
Thanks for your patience and for keeping this community available for us ailing folks.
Before I begin this thread, I want to say that this may be triggering for some. There is talk of abortion.
Anyway, I took the abortion pill last night. I thought I would be devastated that I allowed my child to die, but I basically felt nothing. Nothing besides the cramps that one feels when taking the abortion pill.
I expected to cry, to hate myself, to feel intense guilt, but I mostly felt and still feel nothing.
I always thought that getting an abortion would devastate me beyond repair, but it was all just so easy… A little TOO easy, in fact.
I wonder if I'm just in shock or if I really am so dead inside that the only thing alive in me is the physical body. I feel that, each day, I am getting closer and closer to suicide.
I don't have the courage to do it now, but I do strongly feel that, someday soon, I will. Some last straw that broke the cammel's back will happen, and I'll just take my SN on an impulse and leave this shit world behind.
I guess I did the right thing by getting an abortion, I don't know. I'm not a good mother, by any means, though my kids adore me, God knows why. Also, I am extremely anemic and probably wouldn't have been able to carry the pregnancy to term anyway, due to my poor health.
I'm also trying to recover from being hit by a car, and, when I was pregnant, I started feeling really, super tired the last week. So tired I found myself asleep more than I was awake, and, for me, that never happens.
My baby was about eight weeks old. I hope that my little bean is in peace, and I'm glad that he/she will never have to face all the suffering that goes on in this plain.
RIP my little bean. Maybe we'll meet someday. I'm sorry I couldn't show any emotion for you, I tried, I really did, but Mommy's too dead to feel, I guess.
Anyway, thanks for reading my depressing thread. I am grateful to all you guys.
Cupcake
Sorry mods, but I think I might have posted this thred twice or more. Please remove the extras if you want and sorry for creating more work for you guys. I don't know how to edit or delete my posts on here, or I'd do it myself.
Thanks for your patience and for keeping this community available for us ailing folks.
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