Venting i think i'll hang myself tomorrow

[fangface]

this might be an impulsive decision brought on by the inescapable pit of suicidal ideation that i've been in this week, but i think it's time for me to go.
i have an appointment tomorrow morning. i could so easily ctb after that. i'll bring a bag for my supplies, write a note to leave at home for my family, and hope to god that i can find a quiet place to hang myself. i would do it at home, but i couldn't go through with it knowing that my mum would most likely be the one to find my body. if i'm going to die, the least i can do is spare her from more pain.

i'm not at all a spiritual person but i guess not finding a decent resting place away from home would be a sign that it's not my time to go. or maybe that's my SI pre-emptively kicking in.

i'm starting to become impatient with being alive. my head is a constant battle between the idea of recovery and the comfort i feel i knowing i'll ctb one day. i just want it all to end

 

[Lebensunwertes]

Looking for a place to hang yourself isn't a good idea. I'd rather have it prepared beforehand. If you have the idea of recovery still in your head I would rather utilize the suicidal thoughts by crafting a thoroughly researched plan for your departure. Might occupy you for a bit while not pushing you over the edge at the same time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of wanting everything to end and I also find the thought of non existence to be comforting. This life really is so tiring. I wish you relief from suffering in whatever your decision is.