Story i think i finally know what it's like to feel bad without hating myself

[daleke]

i get really bad post-social interaction cringe attacks, which mostly consist of me rolling in self-hate until i get tired and need to move on. honestly they're more like post-anything cringe attacks at this point.

but today i think i was finally able to feel embarrassed and sad and upset and cry about it without pummeling myself with insults too. basically feeling the brunt of the pain without it being directed at myself or immediately trying to numb it. it's a sensation that feels far more comforting than what i used to experience before. i didn't even think once about killing myself, guys.

probably my first time ever feeling a negative emotion "normally." after a whole year of effort maybe the emotional regulation gains really are starting to kick in.

 

[timf]

In the movie "Volunteers" with Tom Hanks and John Candy John plays a Peace Corps volunteer in South east Asia. During the course of the story is captured by Communist insurgents and become converted to their cause. After a while he escapes and rejoins the others. Towards the end of the movie he is with a group of people as a truck with the Communists drives by and the cadre in the truck is singing his college fight song. Candy hangs his head as this happens and then tells the group, "OK, I'm embarrassed".

The ability to be embarrassed without it being crippling is a huge success.