Venting I think about it daily

[Enigma25]

Im doing this odd back and forth with my mind in regards to my suicide. I keep daydreaming about finally being gone, and ending what I see to be a pointless cycle. Yet, I also daydream about having fun with friends. That seems to be reason enough, but then I remember it's a dayDREAM. I fantasize about having fun, because I usually don't, and when I do, I'm disappointed, because it's less fun than I fantasized about. I know it's weird, but again, my suicide is very nuanced