I sometimes think about suicide over a stupid little thing

[qpsns]

For example, I get thoughts over a failed exam. Even if it won't impact my life that much, I still think about suicide, mainly because of my parents. They sometimes hate me over a failed exam.
I don't know why I get so triggered over small things like these.

 

[Foresight]

You don't owe your parents anything, but they owe you a lot for dragging you into this place. Let them throw tantrums over tests.

I hate parents. I never respected mine and never bothered to care what they thought.

 

[Crazy4u]

being easily irritated is a sign that other things are not going well in your life. Do you take any medication for anxiety or bipolar?

 

[OrcWitch]

Sames.

Sometimes I wonder if it's a comforting mechanism. Stress over a class or a toothache or bad day are more easily managed when I fall into suicidal ideation to comfort myself about escaping them.

 

[Passersby]

I do the same thing. For me its years of suffering and other things built up mainly so when that little thing occurs it makes me want to just leave right then. The little thing might not technically be a big thing but it can be to me and then ruin everything and create and sustain a certain type of mindset in which I would ctb.

Sometimes I think about abandoning the plan and when that little thing whatever it might be happens just going ahead and CTBing on impulse with a gun. I have fantasized about it.

 

[waitingforrest]

Escapism is my middle name. Ctb became my only answer to everything. The appeal is a permanent solution to everything for me.

I started having suicidal thoughts over exams and grades. I look back and think how fucked up the education system is that it would make me think about death over a letter. Turns out I wasn't the only one feeling like this.

Just like you, the little things make me want to Ctb too. I just can't be bothered to care about the future anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally, little things have always made me feel more suicidal. In my case I am not meant for this world and I have always struggled to cope with life. Everything stresses me out. Being suicidal is who I am anyway, I hate life in general. Your feelings are understandable. I wish you the best.

 

[Looooser]

For example, I get thoughts over a failed exam. Even if it won't impact my life that much, I still think about suicide, mainly because of my parents. They sometimes hate me over a failed exam.
I don't know why I get so triggered over small things like these.

In my experience once you've "flicked" that switch in your head about suicide that'll be the first thing that you think of when something bad happens. Happens to me all the time but not to some other people I know. It's kind of weird

 

[ExRN]

I agree. I was suicidal every day for 3 years, completely hopeless and I had lost everything and had nothing to do but volunteer and do group therapy until I put in some effort to do what I knew I needed to do. I remeber a psychiatrist telling my father that I was a chronic suicide risk... I vividly remember her saying "if he stubs his toe he's gonna think of killing himself." I remember the anger I felt when she said that to my dad while I was in the room - she didn't know me! She'd visit me two days a week when I was involuntarily hospitalized in 2019 after a failed attempt.

About a year later, I started to get better and got my career back over the past 2y, then lost it ALL again, failing at the following two jobs. I'm back to feeling suicidal again every day.

Today I dropped a glass bottle that landed on my toe. It hurt but I immediately went to the ctb thoughts. I've broken bones before playing soccer and racing sport bikes but didn't think of killing myself! A few hours later I clogged the toilet (again) and the plunger tore so I had to get another one. I have no income, I'm staying with my elderly parents who are happy to do nothing but play cards or do crosswords and talk about the weather... Nothing in common. Bored out of my tree. When I went to put my shoes on to go and buy a new plunger I felt my toe swollen up in my site. Little things like that make me want to die, NOW! I'm sure it's a culmination of how life has been so intolerable every day for a few months that's causing me to feel like everything is too much. I wasn't coping and I was suicidal before I hurt my toe, so it makes sense that minor inconveniences get blown out of proportion.