I shouldnt have trusted my psychiatrist. Yet, I have no other option.

[JamesMoonDerWater]

I have heard and read from many people how you should be very careful around your therapist or any mental doctors because you never know when they gonna pull your freedom from you. I thought that was just something from the US or other countries and that they wouldn't do something like that where I live. My psychiatrist even told me he would only do something like put me in a psych ward if I wanted to. I never did cuz I know that'll scare you for life. I work in the security of a hospital, doing check ins and stuff. Whenever i went to our mental clinic it was never anything special or different to write about, but people in our office would made comments like "don't stare at the crazies" or sum like that. Well I'm lucky that at least he allowed me to choose to stay at my mom's under supervision. Although I left her house at very young age for a reason - too loud, too unclean, too many people, too much work to do...

Anyway, I've been here since Tuesday (about 4 days then since now it is Sunday to monday midnight). And it's not working. Can't do my college stuff cuz it's too loud and noisy. Ger dogs are always barking, someone's always on the TV... Also, very weird that I told my doc how I planned to ctb and it's weird that I'll be staying most of the next week alone since my mom and my stepdad will be at work.

Anyway, I'm starting to doubt even my psychiatrist skills. He's a "residente". This means he's a "first time" psychiatrist, so not much expertise in the field. He switches my medicine a lot, he also seems to misinterprets what is a symptom for what is a problem. My past psychiatrists would give me medicine to treat depression which would then lead to better moods and humour. he gives me stuff to enhance mood and humour straight away (bipolar disorder medicine) which doesn't seem to be the problem but rather the symptom. But I never did change my doc cause I didn't want to spend more money, since he's a residente he does this for free.

After all of this vent, it might seem hard to believe but I do want to get better so hard... I told this to everyone who knows of my current situation. I feel I sometimes can't make myself clear since I have a VERY high degree of autism but if I had the choice to not feel any of this and not have any of the burdens I have, I wouldn't... Hence why I'll be asking tomorrow to be migrated to the psych ward, maybe there I can get actually better and get actual supervision and help.

 

[LivingDeadTGirl]

You already know this guy is no good for you but you're screwed because of your monetary situation. Weaponize your autism and bluntly tell them all this. Assess their response. Decide if you want to find another free therapist, stay there based on if their response is to your satisfaction, or go without like me and raw dog all your emotions.

 

[hopeless-believer]

Sounds like you truly want and deserve help.
I hope you get what you need, and if you find that help on the psych ward with more able and experienced psychiatrists than that would be great for you.

Maybe jot down what's helpful and what's not for you, and how you feel your being perceived, obstructions to your care, and see if you can work through any of this.

I'm sorry your family aren't surrounding you with the support and the help you need, I hope you find the strength within yourself, you seem to be really putting in the work.

Let us know how you get on.
Take care,