I regret trying to get better

[MrBlue]

I should have made a more concerted effort to kill myself again after I failed the last time. The only thing that trying to get better has shown me is that I am physically unable to do so. I've exercised every other day and still feel like shit, I've tried to connect to people at work and they still act like I'm a freak, Ive tried to connect to people online and just get repeatedly ignored. I'm shit at every hobby I try and I can't enjoy any of it.

It's been an entire year and I still don't even have casual acquaintances. Any attempts at dating has failed so spectactualarly that the only bots were messaging me. I'm just tired of trying to put myself out there and getting hurt repeatedly. I haven't had a truly positive experience with another human being outside my family.

I keep crying myself to sleep and struggle not to randomly burst into tears at work (not that anyon at work would care). I know I'm not entitled to anything form other people, but I just want to feel wanted for once in my life. This past year has proven that I'll never be good enough to be. despite my best efforts I've been forced to be alone for the majority of my life and will be forced to stay isolated for as long I live. Why did even bother?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand it is a hopeless feeling when you try and things do not work out. Life is just so depressing. I wish you well.

 

[littlelungs]

This hurt my heart to read. Interpersonal relationships and social interaction can be hard enough as it is, and it's just an added kick in the sack to try to reach out and connect with people, only to continuously be ignored and rejected. Sure, other people don't owe you anything, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel bad.

I also relate in the sense that I don't feel like I'm good at anything at all, and it's such a hopeless feeling. Life can be so brutal.

I feel for you. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to chat, or just need an ear.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I identify with this. My circumstances aren't exactly the same, but I've spent years trying to get better and deal with my circumstances and build just any sort of a life for myself, and I'm in worse shape now than I've ever been. But at least I know that I tried.

Sometimes life is painful and it's not something that just gets better because we try. I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, it's hard.