junojuno
New Member
- May 24, 2026
- 1
I don't speak, I just act how the world wants me to act, I come home and hide in my room for hours until I have to work again, yet everything keeps worse.
I'm a single child from a divorced mother, since I was young I was teached to fend for myself, my mother was never home, she never hugged me, told me how much she loved me, or showed me any emotion other than rage.
Been going with psychiatrists since I was 12, nobody understands. Always putting to blame on me, always telling me that I should be grateful because "I have a roof to sleep".
"Why don't just move out? Your 23!"
Of course, it isn't like my mother is not taking almost my whole paycheck because she owes loans from years ago and she's still paying them, and every time I tell her I can't keep giving her this much money she plays the victim card. I'm stuck on this house for the rest of my life.
"You should try being more social!"
Sure, it's not like for starters, I'm autistic and I've always been alone, when I tried to befriend someone I always ended up making people feel awkward or annoyed. I'm emotional, I know it too well. I can't change how I am, I write a lot, I know I can be too much. But I can't change it. I'm weird. I'm weird, I know.
I want to stop feeling alone, I want to find a place I can really call home.
I want to feel part of the world, but I've been left behind. I don't even know if I want to study.
Why can't I talk to people? What is wrong with me? Why can't I feel human? Can someone please tell me I exist?
At 23, I still see in the mirror the same child that just wanted to come home and get a hug from his mother. I don't know if I'll ever let the past go, I don't know when will I start to live.
I wished I had a friend
I'm a single child from a divorced mother, since I was young I was teached to fend for myself, my mother was never home, she never hugged me, told me how much she loved me, or showed me any emotion other than rage.
Been going with psychiatrists since I was 12, nobody understands. Always putting to blame on me, always telling me that I should be grateful because "I have a roof to sleep".
"Why don't just move out? Your 23!"
Of course, it isn't like my mother is not taking almost my whole paycheck because she owes loans from years ago and she's still paying them, and every time I tell her I can't keep giving her this much money she plays the victim card. I'm stuck on this house for the rest of my life.
"You should try being more social!"
Sure, it's not like for starters, I'm autistic and I've always been alone, when I tried to befriend someone I always ended up making people feel awkward or annoyed. I'm emotional, I know it too well. I can't change how I am, I write a lot, I know I can be too much. But I can't change it. I'm weird. I'm weird, I know.
I want to stop feeling alone, I want to find a place I can really call home.
I want to feel part of the world, but I've been left behind. I don't even know if I want to study.
Why can't I talk to people? What is wrong with me? Why can't I feel human? Can someone please tell me I exist?
At 23, I still see in the mirror the same child that just wanted to come home and get a hug from his mother. I don't know if I'll ever let the past go, I don't know when will I start to live.
I wished I had a friend
