I really should just die.

[itsher4444]

Im so useless and miserable I've been feeling so hopeless for over a decade and instead of anything improving or changing they've only gotten worse. I have no education and have been a neet for my entire adult life and thats seriously impossible to change I have adhd, ocd, constant derealisation I dont even know what to do other than die Im completely useless Im incapable of learning anything even with time due to the adhd straining me from committing to anything although who knows maybe im just lazy and selfish and everything im saying is all one big excuse to hide from the mistakes that bought me here. I hate myself I seriously wish I was dead I've been told to just "accept being useless its not your fault" how is that supposed to help? if anything it makes me feel even more hopeless knowing that it really will never change. I wish things could be different I wish I could just be a normal funcitoning adult but that truely is impossible.

my partner is the only thing on earth keeping me alive. I really dont want her to be alone we're both severely depressed and also are quite simular when it comes to this but I also feel that I bring her down with my constant misery, complaining about life etc. im so selfish I really am the worst.
do I even to deserve to feel this way if I was the one that messed up in my life? theres so many others who're forced into worse positions than me I just feel like a whining child lmao I've really got some entitlement. if anything I dont deserve to live more because my selfishness Im so fucking horrible everything I say is stupid I genuinely dont deserve anything.

 

[catgirlfailure]

Man I get that feeling, I want to die because I also feel like a useless, lazy and selfish burden to those who care about me (not a neet, at least not yet but a failing college student with autism, ocd and possibly adhd). I also have a partner who's depressed and I wish I didn't vent to him so much, even if saying nothing would probably be worse in the long term.

I wish I had better advices, but one thing that helps me not hate myself too much is imaginating how the average mentally healthy person would react if they suddenly got all of our mental illnesses and shitty life experiences. It definitely take strength to survive with these conditions, that's why comparing ourselves to people who never had to deal with these challenges is unfair. I think the best you can do right now is trying to do small things to improve our life and the mood of others around you, like for your girlfriend asking her to watch a movie she loves together and cuddling, or just telling her you're here if she wants to talk. You know, small steps and reminding yourself that progress is unfortunately not linear.

I don't how bad your OCD is and the kind you suffer from, but I can testify it can get less severe, mine went from debilitating (genuinely fearing I'm a threat to others and thus considering ctb) to mostly a regular annoyance. Therapy helped a lot, but gradual acceptance that everyone is messed up in some way also played a big part.