I put a noose around my neck to see if i had the balls to do it

[Suicide]

I couldn't. I'm a fucking failure. I can't even fucking try to die right.

 

[goat]

Not being able to kill yourself is not being a failure. It's your survival instinct working. It's just nature. No panic.

 

[whywere]

You are NOT, NOT a failure in the least. Like @goat said, it is survival instinct at work. You are a strong and loving global family member. I am sending you lots of love, caring and SUPPORT as you are a awesome person and we are all in this together. Walter

 

[WornOutLife]

Not a failure at all.
CTB is not easy at all.

I've tried to ctb 3 times with partial and here I am lol.

I'll just wait to get some SN or N some day. Otherwise, I'll have to live until I'm 80 and die while suffering lots!!

 

[mossball]

You're not a failure. Don't treat yourself like that. The human body is wired to fight to survive and resist, no matter how much you put your mind to it.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is really hard to die. I agree with the others, even if we want to leave this world, our bodies are programmed to survive. It doesn't mean you are a failure. I struggle with hanging, as for me it's the chance of it going wrong too and ending up with consequences. I would do anything for a peaceful death really.

 

[Worndown]

Call it practice. Maybe the day will come when you are really ready and do it. Until then you are with the rest of us getting by every day. There is no failure in that

 

[TheYounger]

Similar story to me. I was living at my aunt's house and I just had a really bad day. At around 9 at night I went to this secluded area between a golf course and freeway. There wasn't much if any foot traffic passing by that spot. And I put the noose around my neck. But didn't tie it completely around the tree thinking that just wrapping the rope around the tree would be enough. I thought my weight would just secure the rope on the tree(it didn't).

I hung myself, went unconscious but the rope loosened from the tree and I fell backwards. So that was one of my attempts to ctb. Ended up with burn marks on my neck from the rope and my aunt thought it was best that my Mom took care of me. So, yeah... Also ended up in a psych ward for bit.

 

[rs929]

It's normal

 

[Pookie]

It's just your survival instinct kicking in and it's a universal trait everyone shares.

I have no problem putting the noose around my neck but can't stand the exploding head feeling if I don't get the hanging right. But when I pass out easily with partial I usually eventually regain consciousness for some reason so it looks like it's not the method for me.

 

[Efilismislife]

But when I pass out easily with partial I usually eventually regain consciousness for some reason so it looks like it's not the method for me.

Did the rope get loose? Or it didnt put pressure enough to block artery, or maybe unconsciously move and the rope get lose

 

[Pookie]

Did the rope get loose? Or it didnt put pressure enough to block artery, or maybe unconsciously move and the rope get lose

I think that's what happpens, I move while unconscious and then it loosens the noose's pressure on my carotids. Would be a very peaceful death for me because I can sometimes go unconscious within 5 seconds. It's the "waking up" that frustrates me.

 

[Efilismislife]

I think that's what happpens, I move while unconscious and then it loosens the noose's pressure on my carotids. Would be a very peaceful death for me because I can sometimes go unconscious within 5 seconds. It's the "waking up" that frustrates me.

its complicated to even do the method right


If the carotid is pressed is it possible that it moves or restore by itself? Im confused Seems impossible but worries me

 

[deepinlimbo]

I couldn't. I'm a fucking failure. I can't even fucking try to die right

You're not a failure because you haven't ctb yet. I'm sure as many will attest to that it is SI kicking in. You shouldn't beat yourself up over this. We are all struggling and trying to do our best. We all want the pain to go but Maybe its not your time yet? You've certainly got further than I have. I haven't even started practising knots. (Never was much of a sailor, haha)

The whole concept of ctb is incredibly daunting and as much as I know eventually I have to do it, I'm still here. I'm trying to work things out like many here are so Please don't think you are any different to most of us here. I've read countless threads on here about people backing out or not being able to go through with and who could blame them? It's ridiculous and utterly insane not to feel some modicum of fear and uncertainty about going through with in your case hanging i assume.

Whatever your reason for wanting to ctb maybe you can work through it?

anyway I don't want to tell you what to do and this is pro choice here I just don't think you should feel bad for something no one should really ever have to do in their life. But I fully empathise with your situation and I really hope you can work through it and maybe don't have to ctb.

 

[Rae82]

God, why is it so hard to just choose to get the hell out of here and stop the suffering? Life is so cruel for those who suffer.

 

[Pookie]

its complicated to even do the method right


If the carotid is pressed is it possible that it moves or restore by itself? Im confused Seems impossible but worries me

It's all about enough pressure on the carotid arteries. Once there's sufficient pressure on those arteries, you're out. But I faint and then eventually stand up and that releases the pressure.

It must be a physical involuntary reaction because last time I tried partial my vision went completely black within seconds and I had no awareness of anything. Next thing I know I'm standing straight on my feet again not knowing what had just happened, where I was and wondering why the hell there's this awful tight noose around my neck. It took me a a little while to realise what had just happened.

 

[goat]

It's all about enough pressure on the carotid arteries. Once there's sufficient pressure on those arteries, you're out. But I faint and then eventually stand up and that releases the pressure.

It must be a physical involuntary reaction because last time I tried partial my vision went completely black within seconds and I had no awareness of anything. Next thing I know I'm standing straight on my feet again with an awful noose around my neck not knowing what had just happened, where I was and wondering why the hell there's this awful tight noose around my neck. It took me a a little while to realise what had just happened.

I'm just trying my knots now and different places to tie the rope and yeah, once I get the spot right my ears starts ringing (idk how to say that in English but when there's a zooooooommmmm inside your ears lmaao ) and things start to get dark very quickly. I still didn't wait to pass out to see if I gonna stand up involuntarily but I'll discover that soon.

My necks hurting and I'm optimistic

 

[Pookie]

I'm just trying my knots now and different places to tie the rope and yeah, once I get the spot right my ears starts ringing (idk how to say that in English but when there's a zooooooommmmm inside your ears lmaao ) and things start to get dark very quickly. I still didn't wait to pass out to see if I gonna stand up involuntarily but I'll discover that soon.

My necks hurting and I'm optimistic

Yup, the ringing in the ears or other strange sounds can also happen when you're about to pass out.

 

[goat]

Yup, the ringing in the ears or other strange sounds can also happen when you're about to pass out.

yes, I have very low blood pressure and every time I'm about to pass out I hear the sound, so when I'm testing me methods and hear it it's a huge green flag :)

 

[Efilismislife]

yes, I have very low blood pressure and every time I'm about to pass out I hear the sound, so when I'm testing me methods and hear it it's a huge green flag :)

I have very low BP and tend to get blackout dizzy when stand out(still conscious tho) but i dont hear ringing.

Guess people with low BP will be faster with this method

 

[Pookie]

yes, I have very low blood pressure and every time I'm about to pass out I hear the sound, so when I'm testing me methods and hear it it's a huge green flag :)

A few more seconds and you'll be out. Be prepared that you might not just experience pure darkness and nothingness. The one time I tried it in my kitchen and it happened so quickly that I was out without even realising it. I thought I was at my cousin' house and talking to him. It was like a daydream. Not unpleasant, I must say.

 

[goat]

A few more seconds and you'll be out. Be prepared that you might not just experience pure darkness and nothingness. The one time I tried it in my kitchen and it happened so quickly that I was out without even realising it. I thought I was at my cousin' house and talking to him. It was like a daydream. Not unpleasant, I must say.

I'm full of hope and relief