DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
I did something bad have to talk o someone please...
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terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
I got angry. I was helping my brother with his final exams and well, we failed one and he might have to go summer school. Our family is struggling financially and I fucked it up. In anger I slammed the door and kicked a chair and now I feel like im an abusive monster that has to die
SpottedPanda
I'm all about coffee and cigarettes
- Jul 24, 2019
- 612
It sounds like you're just upset. I'm sure your family will find the funds. He might even love summer school. Try not to take it personally
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
We're struggling badly.....I dunno....I feel I am a bad role model and I dug myself into a hole I cant get out of. I am so ashamed I want to run away from home
terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
@DeathIsTheWayOut99 It doesn't sound like you fucked up intentionally with helping your brother. Ok you lashed out but it was at inanimate objects but they won't be effected.
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
Right, but that is still a misuse of anger. I feel its somethign abusers do I am an abuser
SpottedPanda
I'm all about coffee and cigarettes
- Jul 24, 2019
- 612
It'll be fine, I'm sure. They probably wouldn't send him if they couldn't afford it. And you expressing your emotions is fine. Who hasn't kicked a few doors and chairs?
terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
@DeathIsTheWayOut99 It's not ideal no but its a million times less worse than directing that anger at a person. I think just about everyone has slammed a door or kicked an object. Don't consider yourself an "abuser" for doing this, you most definitely are not.
Acerakis
Carer
- Jun 5, 2020
- 142
Well for one you are feeling guilt. Abusers can do the horrible things they do because they don't feel guilty or at least don't feel it enough to dissuade them from abusing, where as this seems to have affected you strongly.
maru.
Experienced
- Apr 6, 2020
- 226
Please listen to what everyone here is saying, they have great points.
I for one slam my door and punch and kick the walls in my room a lot, especially if no one else is home, so no one goes "What was that noise?".
It's not an abusive trait by itself, it's a way of letting anger out, there are bussinesses about destroying objects to let your frustration out.
You didn't hurt a person, at least not physically, and like it was said here by @Acerakis an abuser wouldn't feel guilt, an abuser doesn't care, you're not an abuser, please be kinder to yourself, you deserve that kindness.
DeathIsTheWayOut99
Warlock
- Jun 6, 2020
- 798
oh my dad just sent me this message:
Hey (my name). I will NEVER be mad at you. I'm very PROUD of you for all that you are doing for (my brothers name). We are here for each other. Everything will be fine. Love
you.
KLUF
Member
- Jun 16, 2020
- 70
Sometimes it is good to pick up, say, a plank and smash it to pieces if you are upset and don't know what to do. Nothing wrong in that.Generally speaking abusers don't worry that they might be abusers. They either see nothing wrong with what they do, or know it's wrong but don't care. The fact you're freaking out like this shows me you're not an abusive person. I also know from reading your previous posts you've suffered from abuse yourself, and fearing that you yourself could become an abuser is super common in survivors.
Lashing out like that isn't a good thing to do, but try to keep it in perspective. Kicking a chair doesn't make you an abuser or a monster. It makes you a stressed out person who had a bad day and made a fairly minor mistake.
Oh, that's lovely.Failure in life is inevitable. I wish you wouldn't blame yourself for your brother's failure, it sounds like you tried your best. Your expression of frustration is valid, and is far better than not exploring it or directing it at someone. Try to be kinder to yourself if you can
socrates
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
- Dec 3, 2019
- 303
You are way way way, to hard on your self. Every one gets angry, when I was trying to install sims 4 on my sisters computer I knocked my hand on the desk multiple times.
Uzera
Member
- Apr 11, 2020
- 77
Toobrokentofix
Experienced
- Jul 7, 2020
- 249
Listen to your father! You are Only human and clearly are struggling. You were upset and jeeze... u didn't even kick a person! I have had plenty of experience of abusers and I promise nothing you have said makes me think u are anything like one. Take care and try to give urself a breakSimilar threads
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