Venting I messed up in a work meeting at my internship. I feel horrible

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Context: I'm based in the third world, and doing an unpaid remote internship for an NGO in the first world...

They were discussing about how we could use AIs to generate transcripts for these meetings. And I just voiced my concerns, which is that I have a very distinct accents, a bunch of members have very 'english' accents, and one of the members present has a very 'eastern european accent'. She immiedately became concerned. Said she doesn't think either she or I have distnct accents, and said that she has no connection to eastern europe, whatsoever. Then she asked me where I thought she was from, and I said Poland or Ukraine. And she said "that's offensive." Said that's where we're gonna leave it, and that she'll see me next week, and ended the meeting...

I cringed at it, consulted ChatGPT, and figured sending an apology would mean furthering it, and it's better to pretend it didn't happen... So I took a nap(I was stressed out over it)... woke up, and sent some documentation they requested...

Then they thanked me, and asked me about my availability to discuss the recent incident....

*sigh...*

Anyway, I asked several of my friends (in US, Canada and NZ ), if they think I did something wrong, or if they're being dramatic? My friends said they were being dramatic...

So it's not a mere anglosphere thing, so is it something specific to europe?

I did not mean to offend. I had legit concerns over AI transcripts, and I was simply describing what my concerns were from my experience with it...

Now I don't think I'll get fired. Because this sounded like a warning, which is okay, but I DREAD confrontations. And specially mindless drama...

A friend of mine recently said adults are bigger drama queens than teenagers...

In the third world, if you offend someone, they'll just start acting passive aggressive to your face, hoping you'll snap... Least in the first world, they have organized systems for dealing with drama...

What do you guys think? Did I fuck up? Is it just a weirdly specific cultural thing? Or are they being dramatic?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

and figured sending an apology would mean furthering it, and it's better to pretend it didn't happen

I wholeheartedly disagree. There is nothing wrong with offering an apology for any "perceived" unintentional offensive remarks that you made towards another. You could explain yourself more clearly and what you actually meant by what you said, and you could further iterate that you were in the wrong for "assuming" someone's ancestral origins. Even more, you could tell them that you've done a lot of reflection on the issue, completely understand the error in what you said, and that you've learned from this incident that words have the potential to offend, even unintentionally, and that going forward, you'll take all of this as a "learning moment" to be more empathetic towards others' feelings.

 

[crmrc_in]

Hi! I'm from continental Europe, and yeah, it definitely seems she overreacted even outside the anglosphere. Maybe she has a haughty attitude, or perhaps she instinctively associated your comments with some cultural stereotypes regarding Eastern Europeans, or I don't know; I'm just guessing.

It's difficult to give suggestions without getting to know exactly the context and the people involved, but I think that during your meeting, you should really make it clear that you want to make this a learning point for you: you did not mean to offend anyone, and you're sorry for it (saying sorry hurts no one, in my opinion), you just wanted to raise a doubt on a technical matter, and that you are more than happy to understand what you should or could do differently next time.

If she somehow becomes rude or passive-aggressive, no panic (I know that sometimes it is easier said than done...), just shortly explain again that your intentions were not bad and are happy to listen to any suggestions she might have —and definitely DO NOT argue with her on every single point she might raise. You do not like confrontation? Then avoid it and just focus on the small constructive bits of the conversation. It might even turn out to be a pleasant one.

Don't forget you're an unpaid intern: learning points are basically what you're being paid with!

Big hugs and hold your head high. You did nothing wrong.

 

[Paizen]

Ironically, them getting offended that someone thought they were Polish or Ukrainian is the most offensive thing about this post... to people from Poland and Ukraine. Yes, they are being dramatic.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Hi! I'm from continental Europe, and yeah, it definitely seems she overreacted even outside the anglosphere. Maybe she has a haughty attitude, or perhaps she instinctively associated your comments with some cultural stereotypes regarding Eastern Europeans, or I don't know; I'm just guessing.

It's difficult to give suggestions without getting to know exactly the context and the people involved, but I think that during your meeting, you should really make it clear that you want to make this a learning point for you: you did not mean to offend anyone, and you're sorry for it (saying sorry hurts no one, in my opinion), you just wanted to raise a doubt on a technical matter, and that you are more than happy to understand what you should or could do differently next time.

If she somehow becomes rude or passive-aggressive, no panic (I know that sometimes it is easier said than done...), just shortly explain again that your intentions were not bad and are happy to listen to any suggestions she might have —and definitely DO NOT argue with her on every single point she might raise. You do not like confrontation? Then avoid it and just focus on the small constructive bits of the conversation. It might even turn out to be a pleasant one.

Don't forget you're an unpaid intern: learning points are basically what you're being paid with!

Big hugs and hold your head high. You did nothing wrong.

The NGO is based in England, for detail.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Some people are just on the defensive a lot of the time. I agree with others that the more offensive thing is that she would take offense but, maybe she is very proud of where she comes from. Maybe she has been picked on for her accent in the past. It's hard to know. I guess if we have been made fun of in the past, we can become defensive over certain things.

Like others have pointed out though- you didn't do anything meaningfully offensive. You were pointing out a genuine concern- which you ought to feel free to do.

I guess you just need to learn from the experience and that this person in particular is sensitive over things.

I guess you could still voice concerns without refering to anyone specifically in future. As in- it's been my experience that AI sonetimes struggles with certain accents.

But, it's happened to me too. We had overseas students on our course at uni. Our flatmate came from Germany and she seemed to like talking about her home. I later asked a student in our class where they came from- thinking they would too, but they curtly responded that they were living in England now. I guess they thought I was being racist or unfriendly but, that wasn't my intention at all. I don't like the thought that I've offended someone but then, I also won't be made to feel guilty for something innocently intended.

We should all be conscious of our language and feelings about things but then, sometimes people seem out to take offense at things. Some people are just prickly. I tend to try and steer clear of them. I hate drama too.

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

Some people are just on the defensive a lot of the time. I agree with others that the more offensive thing is that she would take offense but, maybe she is very proud of where she comes from. Maybe she has been picked on for her accent in the past. It's hard to know. I guess if we have been made fun of in the past, we can become defensive over certain things.

Like others have pointed out though- you didn't do anything meaningfully offensive. You were pointing out a genuine concern- which you ought to feel free to do.

I guess you just need to learn from the experience and that this person in particular is sensitive over things.

I guess you could still voice concerns without refering to anyone specifically in future. As in- it's been my experience that AI sonetimes struggles with certain accents.

But, it's happened to me too. We had overseas students on our course at uni. Our flatmate came from Germany and she seemed to like talking about her home. I later asked a student in our class where they came from- thinking they would too, but they curtly responded that they were living in England now. I guess they thought I was being racist or unfriendly but, that wasn't my intention at all. I don't like the thought that I've offended someone but then, I also won't be made to feel guilty for something innocently intended.

We should all be conscious of our language and feelings about things but then, sometimes people seem out to take offense at things. Some people are just prickly. I tend to try and steer clear of them. I hate drama too.

My coworker in England said that the lady overreacted.

 

[crmrc_in]

Let us know how it goes, if you wish. It might go well or not, but it could be good to share.