I made a list of what I thought would solve my suicidality

[tser1073]

I've been doing a lot of thinking as I plan to CTB, and I felt it was fair to make a list of what I thought I would need to recover and to move forward. Not magical thinking (aka a time machine) but actual things that I thought would help and are possible. What kind of supports, what kind of finances, medical help, support systems.

I think what hurts the most is realizing that the path is theoretically achievable but it's not possible for me in the situation I'm in. But it reinforces for me that I'm making the right decision and that I am giving it thought. As sad as it made me to see small things out of reach, I'm glad I spent the time. This isn't an impulsive decision for me, this is just what's best after so long. I'm so tired of drowning and it will be so nice to just give in. I'll be free.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand the feeling of being tired of everything. Life just seems to be endless problems and suffering and to me, it is all so unfair. Of course it is sad how life drives people to this point, but the thought of non existence is comforting to me. Never having to endure another day and instead of this horrible existence, there would be nothing. I hope that you find freedom from your struggle.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Can you share your list, or is it too personal?