I know that this will be my last christmas, anyone else feels the same?

[Fragile]

pretty much that, I'm getting nostalgic about this season even if i never had positive feelings about it, maybe it is because i know that this will 100% be my last christmas, the last time that i'll spend this day with my family.

i still have to wait until march or april until i CTB but the day is getting closer and closer, maybe this kind of feelings are just a natural thing to have, knowing that my end is near is both calming but also very nostalgic in a way.

 

[Asta]

Yes, Fragile, absolutely the last, thank goodness!

 

[Adieu]

Yo tengo que esperar a fines de enero. Gracias a Dios falta poco

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I have that strange feeling...

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I've been thinking that for the last 10 years. I just can't seem to do it. I did try last year and got sick on the meto. Not enough to go to hospital but I didn't feel good. I did read on here someone said that it was normal to feel a little sick but I don't know how sick.

 

[Girobatol]

I had that same feeling but the meds I take do not let me cry or trully feel anything. I am a zombie. I would like to drop the meds but I've done this so many times, back and forth, that I just want to finally go.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I just really wish it was my last....

 

[Azzy69]

me too

 

[Tessie]

I am set for May this year, so this will deffo be my last Christmas. Having nostalgic feelings here, I love the holidays.

 

[Carina]

It was going to be originally... then something happened that I realized I could help the living more if I postponed it. Which pushes it to November/December again... Which puts me in a conflict--can't do it in Nov/Dec due to holidays and other deathdays/birthdays... but I can't go until 2021 either. So... yeah...

 

[sleepy dog]

pretty much that, I'm getting nostalgic about this season even if i never had positive feelings about it, maybe it is because i know that this will 100% be my last christmas, the last time that i'll spend this day with my family.

i still have to wait until march or april until i CTB but the day is getting closer and closer, maybe this kind of feelings are just a natural thing to have, knowing that my end is near is both calming but also very nostalgic in a way.

I don't feel like that, but I hope it is my last Christmas.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I'm extremely sad. I'll miss everything about my family, Christmas is the most beautiful and joyous time of the year. It became clear that I needed to CTB when I couldn't enjoy the holiday season this year.

 

[k75]

I really feel this way. I honestly didn't think I'd even make it to Christmas this year, and I'm not sure how I managed it. I had most of my Christmas shopping done months ago because I didn't plan on being around but wanted to leave gifts for everyone. Somehow, here I am...

 

[Time]

Absolutely. I'm shooting for a early January ctb.

I honestly didn't think I'd even make it to Christmas this year, and I'm not sure how I managed it.

Same here.

 

[coffeehouse]

I also feel as though this is my last Christmas.

 

[BPD Barbie]

100%, my date is set for mid January and I'm OK with it.

 

[Puteminacoffin]

100% agree. No doubt my last Christmas. My plan is set for before the end of the month bc the struggle has been hella real lately. The holidays can definitely put you in a dark place

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Nostalgia pisses me off as much as it makes me sad. "Here have some feelings about times and things you'll never get back." Stupid brain.

 

[Emily123]

I know too

 

[enjoy]

absolutely. i will be dead in less than 6 months, actually. christmas eve was pretty terrible, so i can only assume that today will follow suit. then again... every day is pretty terrible. at least they are numbered!

 

[Meant2Die]

Def the last. In my mind when I joined the site in the fall I wasn't even going to be here in Dec. it's actually a little surreal to be here now. I'm soaking up every moment the best I can. I keep looking at the date thinking "it's past due", feeling like I'm living on borrowed time. (My ctb date is very soon, just waiting on some things.)

 

[Kifa]

got into an argument with gf a few hours ago, she thought i was breaking up, when i said i wasnt she said she was and dumped me. This is two days after she seriously asked me to marry her. fun

 

[BlueWidow]

This will definitely be my last Christmas. I think that's why I'm able to actually enjoy it this year. I know I'll never have to go through this again, EVER. There is an end in sight and it's feeling so good to know it's there, it's coming, and I have total control over when it happens. And not just the end of Christmas, but the end of everything, all the BS of life will be over with soon.
Once the holidays are over, I'm going to focus very hard on getting all of my preparations done so that I can get ready to get out of here ASAP.
At this point, the only things determining when I leave will be how long it takes me to get a few things tied up, and if my husband's family decide to come and visit in January like they're threatening to. If they actually show up, it will push my ctb up. If I have to leave behind loose ends in order to get out of here before they come to visit, so be it. I'm really hoping that, once again, they're bluffing and they're not going to show up. If that's the case, I should have a little longer to tie up some loose ends and be out of here by the end of January or definitely by February.
I was planning on January 3rd, but now it's looking like I'm not going to be able to make that deadline, so I pushed it back a little bit.
I definitely don't want to be here past February though because then all the birthdays and so on start and I'm never going to have a month that is going to be free of some special day or something. February will be my last chance until summer. I don't want to spend another summer here.

 

[LivingToLong]

Possibly the last, can't say for sure. No firm plans or date set.

BUT, it feels like I'm edging closer to an inevitable decision. Recently, I've been feeling OK. Not perfect but managing. It's always in my mind though, just to the side or in the background. Also, it takes effort to keep feeling OK , and that effort tires me. I know I will fall down again when I get too tired. I can't live on tranquilisers forever.

You know what it's like when you have to do something? Like when you have an appointment to go to? A chore to do? Well, CBT feels like that for me. I don't have a time but I know it's there, waiting. Something I know I have to do.

 

[134340]

I definitely feel the same, especially regarding the nostalgia. I went out for a smoke and watched the sun set earlier today and felt nostalgic but also calm and at peace with the idea that I would never experience another Christmas Eve sun set again.

 

[chris8000]

I feel my time is near, my potential to enjoy the rest of my life is almost zero, so best to go for the exit strategy. Knowing this, merry Christmas everyone.

 

[jgm63]

I've been thinking that for the last 10 years. I just can't seem to do it. I did try last year and got sick on the meto. Not enough to go to hospital but I didn't feel good. I did read on here someone said that it was normal to feel a little sick but I don't know how sick.

Did you get EPS ? Perhaps you could take diphenhydramine to help with that. Or you could look into using domperidone instead. You could even try prochlorperazine, although this does have a higher EPS risk apparently (do you think it was EPS you had when you took the meto ?)

 

[Cutepoison]

Yes, i hope to ctb before this year ends

 

[I screwed up]

Hope its my last Christmas too ... In fact I m from India and here our biggest festival starts around October.. And holiday times are the worst when u think of all the things u could have had but screwed up and now its just depression n loneliness. Problem with me us too strong SI .. Day I over come it good bye

 

[Last Caress]

Hiya,

I am certain this is my last Christmas and the last New Year... Awful situation for all of us, by the nature..

Merry Christmas,
Last Caress.