Afterglow
I miss the version of me who enjoyed being alive.
- Feb 22, 2025
- 396
I keep thinking about how easy it would be to just stop. Not even in a dramatic way. Just disappear and let the world keep going on without having to carry me anymore. Every day feels like I'm borrowing time.
I'm so tired of waking up and realizing I'm still me. Same broken mind, same mistakes, same weight on everyone around me. I don't get better, I just get better at hiding how bad it is. And even that's slipping.
People talk about hope for the future like it's something you can grow if you water it enough. I've been watering dirt for years. All I've managed to grow is guilt for still being here and resentment for not having the courage to die already.
I don't want to be saved. I don't want to "work on myself."
I just want it to stop.
I hope that tomorrow me doesn't think the day is worth surviving.
I'm so tired of waking up and realizing I'm still me. Same broken mind, same mistakes, same weight on everyone around me. I don't get better, I just get better at hiding how bad it is. And even that's slipping.
People talk about hope for the future like it's something you can grow if you water it enough. I've been watering dirt for years. All I've managed to grow is guilt for still being here and resentment for not having the courage to die already.
I don't want to be saved. I don't want to "work on myself."
I just want it to stop.
I hope that tomorrow me doesn't think the day is worth surviving.
