NSFW I just want to fuck normally

[networkAutomata]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

 

[android]

This may not be helpful but it may be food for thought. Is it possible to be with someone or interaction with another human being in a way that is not hurting them?

After all, by talking to someone, you are taking minutes of their finite life away. Is that not the very definition of harm?

 

[OzymandiAsh]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

Are you a dude or dudette? o.O

 

[networkAutomata]

Are you a dude or dudette? o.O

Dude. I'm gay

 

[toskita]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

Your consent and comfort is important even if you're active, he's your partner, someone that loves and cares about you, he'll understand you're not in the right state of mind towards the topic at the moment, take time to reflect on where those thoughts come from, and go back to your activities as you feel like it, maybe slower and vanilla could be nice as well

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

This may not be helpful but it may be food for thought. Is it possible to be with someone or interaction with another human being in a way that is not hurting them?

After all, by talking to someone, you are taking minutes of their finite life away. Is that not the very definition of harm?

For someone who only spends time with others purely out of self interest, someone who only takes & never gives, the answer to that question would be yes.

 

[Concorde]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

You remind me a lot of my ex. He was super terrified of hurting me or of me only tolerating him fucking me. I wish he'd understood that we were super compatible if he only would have stopped asking questions about if I was uncomfortable during sex. I never, ever was.

I tried repeatedly to prove to him that he couldn't hurt me (a little of my own unwellness incoming): I wanna be the cool gay guy who doesn't say no (me), who has high pain tolerance during sex (me), and who feels like being hurt physically is something I deserve and something that will make a guy like me more. Just ick.

It was good for me to see something close to his perspective on that here and to remember that fear of hurting a partner is something I'm trying to ignore because I want my partner to become a widower.

 

[Gangrel]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

I relate a lot to you, because of the anti depressants i can barely do the thing, or if i can i don't get any pleasure, it's extremely frustrating and i am in the same situation as well. Thank god i'm gay and we can be more open sexually in other ways like playing around with each other.

Maybe always communicate? things like "are you okay? is this fine?" go a long way and might give you enough reassurance.

 

[In4rope]

If you stoped it is ok.

 

[Concorde]

because of the anti depressants i can barely do the thing

Fuuuuuck. I used to miss cumming every time I had sex. And then I missed being hard every time I had sex.

And not really for me, it's just all the unwanted questions about it. I wish my body made it look like I wanted to be there. Viagra helped me look like it.

And there's this one guy I'd hook up with. It was perfect because he was completely disinterested in me getting off and never asked questions. Exactly what I needed then.

Antidepressants made me jump through so many hoops to understand and try to internalize and try to not judge who the me-without-hardons is. Yuck.