I just want to CTB and im so frustrated.

[Busridin'26]

I dont want to be here nor do I just wanna leave to come back. Course she's home early yay for me.

I'm tired guess I can just "hold on" until I move but I'm so fucking done I cant even get the strength or.motivation to pack and it's making me feel like shit.

Just want to disappear this weekend.

 

[friendly99]

I share your feelings exactly. I would ctb ASAP if I could find the right method

 

[Busridin'26]

I share your feelings exactly. I would ctb ASAP if I could find the right method

Sorry to hear you can relate not have the right methods available can be so frustrating and suffocating.

Thing is I have a method maybe not the "right one" or number 1 choice but it's there. So I'm not sure and I'm frustrated to wait

 

[HighwayToHell]

I'm fighting the impulse to swallow bleach

 

[Busridin'26]

I dont want to be here nor do I just wanna leave to come back. Course she's home early yay for me.

I'm tired guess I can just "hold on" until I move but I'm so fucking done I cant even get the strength or.motivation to pack and it's making me feel like shit.

Just want to disappear this weekend.

I'm not like on impulse rn. Yeah theres been a build up and I'm breaking down from it but that's not the point. This isnt my breaking point.
My breaking point was a long time ago.

I cant look forward to this move bc honestly now I HAVE TO do it this weekend and I havnt been able to say it bc there isnt any point but I'm actually have a pretty huge mental breakdown down/distress right now so I cant really do anything and rest would be the best before I completely fucking snap and hurt myself in a way I do not want to.

So all in all I'm really debating on whether to just disappear and die tmrw. Disappear and die after I move my stuff(&possibly completely snap from the pressure and hurt).

It doesnt matter honestly. I've given yo on alot and the idea of having a home isnt anything I care about.

I'm either at the bridge I do it or I dont and I just go on with my day.

It would be so fucking easy to just let myself fall. I'm already gone anyway.

I'm fighting the impulse to swallow bleach

Personally I wouldn't ever bc ive had a friend that did that and just ended up having to swallow charcoal & they said it tasted horrible (both the bleach and the charcoal)

:/

 

[HighwayToHell]

I'm not like on impulse rn. Yeah theres been a build up and I'm breaking down from it but that's not the point. This isnt my breaking point.
My breaking point was a long time ago.

I cant look forward to this move bc honestly now I HAVE TO do it this weekend and I havnt been able to say it bc there isnt any point but I'm actually have a pretty huge mental breakdown down/distress right now so I cant really do anything and rest would be the best before I completely fucking snap and hurt myself in a way I do not want to.

So all in all I'm really debating on whether to just disappear and die tmrw. Disappear and die after I move my stuff(&possibly completely snap from the pressure and hurt).

It doesnt matter honestly. I've given yo on alot and the idea of having a home isnt anything I care about.

I'm either at the bridge I do it or I dont and I just go on with my day.

It would be so fucking easy to just let myself fall. I'm already gone anyway.

Personally I wouldn't ever bc ive had a friend that did that and just ended up having to swallow charcoal & they said it tasted horrible (both the bleach and the charcoal)

:/

Yeah, they probably ended up calling the docs before the bleach kicked in. Happened when I OD'd on paracetamol. I was intending to wait it out, the full week of dying of jaundice. Couldn't make it past 3 hours.

 

[mukluk0713]

I will second the cautioning against bleach, have heard it is usually unsuccessful and very painful, most people can't take the pain of the stomach melting.

Sending love to you though, I'm in a similar spot with the moving (got told I'm too depressing and exhausting to be around and am no longer welcome wooo) and just wanting to ctb instead. I don't even have much to pack but it is just so draining to even imagine.

Hope something gives for you soon.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I dont want to be here nor do I just wanna leave to come back. Course she's home early yay for me.

I'm tired guess I can just "hold on" until I move but I'm so fucking done I cant even get the strength or.motivation to pack and it's making me feel like shit.

Just want to disappear this weekend.

Ugh I want to CTB badly as well. Looking for some people to brainstorm ideas

 

[Squiddy]

If it weren't for my family and friends, I would've been ctb

 

[needaplan]

This SI is really tough to overcome, I'm not sure how to do it... I also read in other threats, that there are possibilities, but the person didn't tell them....

 

[Busridin'26]

Ugh I want to CTB badly as well. Looking for some people to brainstorm ideas

I'm available if you wanna brainstorm

 

[Ghost2211]

Sending you hugs and love.

Youre so close. Moving is one step away, and you'll have a more restful space away from the people That upset you.

Put on headphones and some music you love while you pack. Make yourself a yummy snack.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I'm available if you wanna brainstorm

Pm me (:

 

[hatelife]

Yeah, they probably ended up calling the docs before the bleach kicked in. Happened when I OD'd on paracetamol. I was intending to wait it out, the full week of dying of jaundice. Couldn't make it past 3 hours.

not promoting suicide, but there are more humane methods on this site if u look around, bleach doesn not sound too good im just saying, if u ever want to talk just pm me, I can be a listening ear if u feel bad, suicide is not always an answer for somebody, some situations can be solved

If it weren't for my family and friends, I would've been ctb

the guilt is overbearing me too, the SN method takes time and in the mean time I get feelings of anxiety and guilt over leaving my mom how sad she would be so thats stopping me.
I have to say most of my time is like hell here on earth, at least thats what it feels like, I dont think much can make me happy tbh, I get the happiest by helping others, giving to them

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry every day is horrible for you.