Venting I just want to be loved

[TheLastK]

I don't know what to do anymore. I've set myself to ctb before the new year unless something comes along to convince me not to, which really is just a romantic relationship. I'm early 20s now and I can't deal with the idea of having to wait until I'm in my mid 20s like how people say to me. It's just too pathetic in my eyes, not to disparage anyone on the forum who is in a similar situation but I can't help but judge myself for it. I've been consistently abandoned by friends at increasing frequency and I don't know why. I think I'm just at that perfect level of unlucky where it's not enough for people to care but enough to make me want to ctb. I want to just feel contented, but the best I can do for myself is to be humoured or occasionally intoxicated. The thought of ctb is the only thing that brings me comfort that I also feel I can realistically accomplish. Someone I am into but I am fairly certain has no interest in me (but I could just be biased) is moving away to the other end of the country and it made me feel awful, one last piece of hope gone. I am screaming for help but no one wants to help me, I can't do this alone but it seems that I have to.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that loneliness can be painful for many people, and I'm sorry that you suffer. People can be very disappointing and this life really is too unfair. I also find comfort in the thought of being dead as it's the end of all problems and misery. Best wishes.