I just want to attempt without someone stopping me

[meles_inoris]

I have nothing to live for, and everyone I know is losing sleep because of me. I'm tired of being kept alive just to make other people happy and fail at it. Just let me reach eternal peace and stop worrying about everything.

Two nights ago I tried to jump off a second floor balcony. My grandma was screaming and she threatened to call the cops. I was almost over the ledge when I chickened out. I'm tired of the cowardice. I'm tired of the needless compassion of people I don't fucking care about. All I want is bliss.

 

[randomz]

I am sorry life brought you to this point. Have you exhausted all ways to make yourself feel better with life? What are your reasons to be depressed, if you don't mind sharing with us? You can always talk about your problems here without fear of being judged and that always has a helpful effect.

 

[meles_inoris]

I am sorry life brought you to this point. Have you exhausted all ways to make yourself feel better with life? What are your reasons to be depressed, if you don't mind sharing with us? You can always talk about your problems here without fear of being judged and that always has a helpful effect.

I would share what is making me depressed but it also traumatized me so if I talk about it I will get very anxious. Even thinking about it gets me closer to the edge. I have tried countless methods that people said were "healthy." Meditation didn't work. Deep breathing worked temporarily and when I stopped it was right back to deadness. I don't enjoy much of anything anymore. I can't even make music like I used to without anxiety covering me in a steel-spiked blanket.