Venting I just want a hug

[PeacefulDreams]

I need to stop telling myself to believe the stupid lie that "It'll get better for everyone!"

Not for me, It won't. Hell, I don't even want to be better.

I set my ctb date for about a week from now, but I might pull it a bit closer because everyday just gets worse and worse. My entire life I have only caused problems to everyone I meet, so hopefully I am doing everyone a favor.

 

[Sittichmutter]

Hello PeacefullDreams,
Why do you think you cause problems to others?

 

[y'ffre]

I understand everything but are you a criminal or do you want to commit a crime? Killing someone or maybe many people like a mass shooting?
How does your death benefit other people?

 

[PeacefulDreams]

Hello PeacefullDreams,
Why do you think you cause problems to others?

A lot of different reasons.

Sometimes, people come to me for help because I'm "smart" (Not really), and then I feel guilty when I can't do anything to help them.

I also fuck up everything I do. All my parents want from me is to get good grades, and somehow I fuck that up. I try to be kind to people but it always fails.

I understand everything but are you a criminal or do you want to commit a crime? Killing someone or maybe many people like a mass shooting?
How does your death benefit other people?

I don't want to commit a crime or anything like that. I just sometimes feel like a waste of air because I don't contribute much to society.

 

[y'ffre]

Lots of people don't contribute to society that much. Should they die?
I feel you don't misunderstand me by the way. I am not undermining your feelings.

I understand that you want to do things that make you feel useful and feel precious. But I can also guess that despite wanting to be useful you are not feeling good enough to do things that are meaningful to you. (Correct me If I am wrong I am only trying to guess right now) If I am right you can't blame yourself because you are not well enough to function. There is nothing, in that case, you can do except try to get better. And I know this Is hard.

 

[Lauriso]

I just sometimes feel like a waste of air because I don't contribute much to society.

What would it take for you to feel you do contribute enough to stay alive? I feel we are such different individuals with such different capacities. Some have a calling to do huge things, others simply do small acts of kindness in their daily lives. Sometimes not being a dick is already a worthy task.

 

[Sittichmutter]

A lot of different reasons.

Sometimes, people come to me for help because I'm "smart" (Not really), and then I feel guilty when I can't do anything to help them.

I also fuck up everything I do. All my parents want from me is to get good grades, and somehow I fuck that up. I try to be kind to people but it always fails.


I don't want to commit a crime or anything like that. I just sometimes feel like a waste of air because I don't contribute much to society.

Dear PeacefullDreams,
I see that your perception is twisted by pain, depression or other problem.
You seem quite intelligent to me.
And parents want the best for their kids. They think that getting good grades will makes your Future easier. I used to believe that too for my kids.
But grades just measure a small part of your intellect. It is not what you are, nor how you are.
You are not useless.
I bet your family does not know how you feel.
Please, talk to them about your issues. And look for help.
They love you Very much. You are kind and loving. Do not lose Hope.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it's so dreadful when things just get worse and I understand that it's hard to carry on when you suffer so much. This life really is so tiring and I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[PeacefulDreams]

I know that it's so dreadful when things just get worse and I understand that it's hard to carry on when you suffer so much. This life really is so tiring and I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from what you are going through.

Thank you very much.

I bet your family does not know how you feel.
Please, talk to them about your issues. And look for help.

I appreciate the thought, but I can't tell them anything. With my luck they'd probably just send me to the mental hospital, and I don't want to go there.