I just feel stuck again...

[Busridin'26]

I can't really say anymore WHAT has made me feel so,.. down and out?

But in the last month or so... Just really disconnected myself. Stop trying so much...


Like committing social suicide again by just not talking to anyone, not doing any groups, not trying...


I don't genuinely enjoy anything... so without effort I've realized.. I'm completely devoid of everything.

I dunno I wish I was dead but I don't see myself going through with any plan.. as of right now...

So what/where does that leave me???


I dunno... Kinda just sitting.. doing nothing... kinda thinking these days... life and being alive feel awful though so I dunno. ...

Haaa I just wanted to lie down and put in no effort. Hospital isn't even an option like dat anymore. In the sense of inpatient not even being an option. Im tired anyway and just wanted to stop worrying about shit like food and meds for a bit...

Which again would've been helpful but nahh. Not an option.


So, with everything... I'm just withdrawing...

Been lurking a bit more the past few days bc of how I feel... but im uncertain all the way.

Dying impulsively doesn't make semse but in my tired brain waiting doesn't make sense. I just feel desolate and I guess will try to give it sometime..

Dunno whst recovery looks like without completely disregarding the suicidality bc it makes every treatment attempt a complete impossible barrier of even accessing so.

Yèah...

I dunno anymore.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm sorry you're going through this again, my friend.

Unfortunately, it tends to happen. I almost ctb last Sunday/Monday and had some panic attacks because I was very anxious but somehow, I'm still here, waiting for tomorrow so as to get wasted and be happy for some hours.

Hope you can feel better soon!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to how you are feeling. I often feel trapped as I don't want to be alive but I don't feel like I can go through with the ctb process. I hope you find some kind of relief.