Busridin'26
Hating every minute of being alive.
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,944
I feel like my thoughts dont matter.
My self esteem is meh. I tried most my life to hold it up to a ridiculous standard. Im proud of that though. I love myself. Even between all the shits I still love myself.
But like aside from my high regard for myself I feel...
Like im just annoying EVERYWHERE i am. Including online.
Like I've now turned into some kinda fucking case study instead of a RATIONAL humanbeing.
(my written English sucks but yes still got some brains left up in here)
I feel like my autonomy is being taken from me AGAIN. LIKE IM LEAVING TO LIVE BY MYSELF IN A MONTH.
ITS NOT SAFE TO BE TREATING ME WITH KIDDY GLOVES. like this idea that they'll keep me ok till im gone is so awful.
Im not going to have ANYONE around when I move. I HAVE to get used to being COMPLETELY ALONE.
(Maybe that kinda thought will get em to leave me the fuck alone. I Dunno what ekse to do. I've never had my worker try to access the likelihood of ne still being alive after the weekend.,) (but tbh tbh the weekend staff are usually undertrained etc etc so CTB on the weekend is DEF easier)
Its causing a lot of confusion in my heart. It'll be so sad to leave and die if I don't get rid of my heart already. I've been attempting to.. its mostly gone but...
I've been attempting everything half ass anyway. That ends.
There's nothing half ass about my feelings.
Sooo in general (and to the people I can't say this to(im sorry for my existence and Im sorry for the constant posting sometimes.
My self esteem is meh. I tried most my life to hold it up to a ridiculous standard. Im proud of that though. I love myself. Even between all the shits I still love myself.
But like aside from my high regard for myself I feel...
Like im just annoying EVERYWHERE i am. Including online.
Like I've now turned into some kinda fucking case study instead of a RATIONAL humanbeing.
(my written English sucks but yes still got some brains left up in here)
I feel like my autonomy is being taken from me AGAIN. LIKE IM LEAVING TO LIVE BY MYSELF IN A MONTH.
ITS NOT SAFE TO BE TREATING ME WITH KIDDY GLOVES. like this idea that they'll keep me ok till im gone is so awful.
Im not going to have ANYONE around when I move. I HAVE to get used to being COMPLETELY ALONE.
(Maybe that kinda thought will get em to leave me the fuck alone. I Dunno what ekse to do. I've never had my worker try to access the likelihood of ne still being alive after the weekend.,) (but tbh tbh the weekend staff are usually undertrained etc etc so CTB on the weekend is DEF easier)
Its causing a lot of confusion in my heart. It'll be so sad to leave and die if I don't get rid of my heart already. I've been attempting to.. its mostly gone but...
I've been attempting everything half ass anyway. That ends.
There's nothing half ass about my feelings.
Sooo in general (and to the people I can't say this to(im sorry for my existence and Im sorry for the constant posting sometimes.
