I just can’t do it

[nihilism44]

I want to leave so badly. I've wanted to leave on and off for years. I keep trying to pull myself out of my depressed state and after a bit of progress I fall right back into it and destroy everything. It's an endless cycle of self sabotage. I'm drinking daily now (I promised myself I would not become an alcoholic like my dad, but here I am) and I'm gaining weight rapidly. I faked covid to call out of work for a week. I do not care about myself at all. I just want to sleep all the time. Everything hurts. I miss my mom. She died in October. I want to see her again, but I still have my boyfriend and my dad that I don't want to leave behind. I love them both dearly and they love me. I don't want them to suffer after I'm gone. Fuck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I know that when things get worse, it can be a hopeless feeling. Living is very painful, I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Of The Universe]

. I faked covid to call out of work for a week.

Did they pay you?? You go girl!