First of all there are people out there who are a lot worse. And people who bullied or abused me would like to see me suffering.
I think I often play down my writing on here. I call it bullshit and not very sophisticated. I think I say this in order to be perceived as downtoearth and epistemelogically cautious. But actually I make myself immune to criticism. I can say look I admitted my arguments are weak, you should not take my serious and discussing my threads isn't even worth considering. It makes me an infant that doesn't hold responsiblitiy.
My self-loathing has a similar logic. I have to hate myself for something before anyone else can point my weaknesses out. I notice though there are people who take advantage of that. I think I tend to emotional reasoning and I am often in hyperfocus. But often that's really irrational and it isn't that smart. The importance of issues vary a lot depending on the emotions I attach to them in a certain moment. Sometimes I cannot stop worrying about a thing. And nothing can calm me down. And then I get a new news and this makes me forget my old issues. The smarter approach was trying to get more distance to thoghts. And realizing that my mind has a very strong filter. And no matter how dangerous something feels maybe with time passing and new development it isn't that frightening anymore. I think my mind needs cognitive closure. Situations that feel open and where the outcome is uncertain they make me really uncomfortable. I think I perceive my habits, heuristics, cognitive strategies as quite smart and superior to the thinking of many neurotypicals. Honestly, I think my cogntive strategies are really quite smart for a person with my conditions. Most people with past psychoses, bipolar and autism they could not think straight. I think with my preconditions I am doing quite a good job in self-reflection. This self-reflection is a very strong resource for me. I also use it for emotional regulation. But it is also a critical weakpoint when it comes to blind spots, distortions and negative factor for my life quality.
I am more self-aware than many people I meet. But I really underestimate fallacies of my thinking and that there are many many false positive when I assume something.
Sometimes it feels like it was the smartest thing to only educated myself. And dedicate most of my time to gaining knowledge. But this approach is inefficient and other I neglect skills like communication, structuring, revision etc. I should try to avoid becoming a one trick pony. Also as a consequence of chatGPT. It is important to stay flexible and remaining the ability to adapt to situations. My only content of living can't be listening to content and posting on Sanctioned Suicide. Even though it gives me routines and some meaning.
I think I often play down my writing on here. I call it bullshit and not very sophisticated. I think I say this in order to be perceived as downtoearth and epistemelogically cautious. But actually I make myself immune to criticism. I can say look I admitted my arguments are weak, you should not take my serious and discussing my threads isn't even worth considering. It makes me an infant that doesn't hold responsiblitiy.
My self-loathing has a similar logic. I have to hate myself for something before anyone else can point my weaknesses out. I notice though there are people who take advantage of that. I think I tend to emotional reasoning and I am often in hyperfocus. But often that's really irrational and it isn't that smart. The importance of issues vary a lot depending on the emotions I attach to them in a certain moment. Sometimes I cannot stop worrying about a thing. And nothing can calm me down. And then I get a new news and this makes me forget my old issues. The smarter approach was trying to get more distance to thoghts. And realizing that my mind has a very strong filter. And no matter how dangerous something feels maybe with time passing and new development it isn't that frightening anymore. I think my mind needs cognitive closure. Situations that feel open and where the outcome is uncertain they make me really uncomfortable. I think I perceive my habits, heuristics, cognitive strategies as quite smart and superior to the thinking of many neurotypicals. Honestly, I think my cogntive strategies are really quite smart for a person with my conditions. Most people with past psychoses, bipolar and autism they could not think straight. I think with my preconditions I am doing quite a good job in self-reflection. This self-reflection is a very strong resource for me. I also use it for emotional regulation. But it is also a critical weakpoint when it comes to blind spots, distortions and negative factor for my life quality.
I am more self-aware than many people I meet. But I really underestimate fallacies of my thinking and that there are many many false positive when I assume something.
Sometimes it feels like it was the smartest thing to only educated myself. And dedicate most of my time to gaining knowledge. But this approach is inefficient and other I neglect skills like communication, structuring, revision etc. I should try to avoid becoming a one trick pony. Also as a consequence of chatGPT. It is important to stay flexible and remaining the ability to adapt to situations. My only content of living can't be listening to content and posting on Sanctioned Suicide. Even though it gives me routines and some meaning.
