I have to leave my gf behind and that hurts. A lot.

[KiraLittleOwl]

When I was acutely suicidal in 2019 I was completely alone. And I didn't go through it. Since then: more false hope, more mistakes, more regrets, more trauma, more self hate.
My mind is broken, I am in agony all the time. I can't even pretend I am managing it anymore.
I love my GF but the pain is too much and I know I will only bring bad things into her life.
I am not a good partner and lover.
I am utterly and profoundly dysfunctional.
This hurts so bad. So bad.
I know that living like this for someone else is not sustainable.
When I was 3 or 4 years I fell between boats at the lake but my father saved me, I remember going underwater and he dived and pulled me to the surface. I wish I have drowned.

 

[setoursailsagain]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to her about what you're feeling? Sending hugs.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot even imagine how painful it must be, being in that situation. It seems as though in this life there is no escape from suffering. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you spoken to her about what you're feeling? Sending hugs.

No, I can't put that weight on her. She has her own issues. She knows that I can be suicidal, when she moved out I tried to kill myself.
We are dating but she lives separately now.

I cannot even imagine how painful it must be, being in that situation. It seems as though in this life there is no escape from suffering. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

Thank you.
I don't know why I have to suffer like that. I am numbing myself with alcohol rn.

I cannot even imagine how painful it must be, being in that situation. It seems as though in this life there is no escape from suffering. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

I know that you also so much pain, I wish I could hug you
I am just sitting in the park wasted and crying
People just go by, maybe they have their issue but I envy them. The weather is so nice here
People just go by, maybe they have their issue but I envy them. The weather is so nice here