“i have to kill myself before _____ happens”

[KiraComplex]

does anyone else feel this? like you have to die before your mom or pet or loved one dies so you dont have to experience it? is this just me?

 

[thereandgone]

Sadly all of the befores have already happened. But yes I used to feel this. Now I look at it in terms of afters rather than befores.

 

[iDieUDie80]

Idk, maybe before my probation is revoked over something stupid? lmao

 

[KiraComplex]

Sadly all of the befores have already happened. But yes, I used to feel this. Now I look at it in terms of afters rather than befores.

felt.

 

[Intheo]

If I get indicted or more importantly, convicted, I will have to in protest.

 

[stationarymillennial]

does anyone else feel this? like you have to die before your mom or pet or loved one dies so you dont have to experience it? is this just me?

No it's definitely not just you. I feel this way about both my mom and sister. Also my health. Like, my teeth, my physical health. It's sloooowly all starting to go down the drain.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. And I think it's due to my negative personality. I've always been pessimist. Always expect bad things to happen but there are some things from present that won't change in future so things can only worsen. I "died" some time ago..

 

[Fragile]

Yes, I can relate.

For me, I would gladly accept the pain from the death of a family member, at least I won't have to hurt them with mine.

But I have to CTB before my health starts declining even further, before I can no longer Die in a peaceful way.

 

[Bauhaus]

does anyone else feel this? like you have to die before your mom or pet or loved one dies so you dont have to experience it? is this just me?

But I have to CTB before my health starts declining even further, before I can no longer Die in a peaceful way.

I empathize with both. I feel like a ticking bomb and there's not much time left.

 

[KiraComplex]

I empathize with both. I feel like a ticking bomb and there's not much time left.

life is so fucking short if you think about it.... my grandma died a year ago and i realized that if that was my mom's mom, then my mom will be gone too. it was a fat wake up call and i now spend almost all quarantine with her. i just dont want to see her gone.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I have to kms before I'm sentenced to prison for repeated drunk driving. Its not the reason I'm ctbing, but its the reason I have to do it soon.

 

[TAW122]

I felt similar in the past. I told myself, if ___ doesn't go well or goes awry, then I'll just CTB. Actually that was the case at least twice in 2019.

 

[UpsidedownStar]

For the past 3 years, around mid-Fall to early-Spring, I tell myself I need to CTB before it gets warmer, or else I'll be stuck for another year. Hypothermia is my go-to method (can't bring myself to go any other way + don't have the means), and every year I get a bit closer to actually succeeding. Hopefully this year will be the one. I always tell myself that I only need to succeed one attempt/one time for it all to be over.

 

[Wonderland]

Yeap! I feel you. Since I was little I knew I gotta die before I was turning 30. I had hope, things will turn different, but they didnt. I have 6 months left to my 30 bday, I have to find a way now.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yeah, exams lol

 

[KiraComplex]

Yeah, exams lol

ouch!

 

[TAW122]

I had similar situations before. I consider them to be CTB checks or specific times where if I didn't fulfill a certain goal or objective, then I would CTB after a given time. I had two in the previous year, one for my encounter with my ladyfriend and another one for losing my virginity (which was in Europe). Since both checks passed and were successful, I progressed and am alive in 2020. In hindsight, had I known the pandemic would come and life would change, oftenly in a bad way, along with all my existing problems and circumstances, I would have just CTB'd end of 2019 to avoid where I am today. Sure, I'd miss certain things this year, but I can't regret it since I'd be dead. Anyways, I digress..

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

it's not necessarily a matter of loved ones dying (since the only relative i truly care about will die long after me regardless), but rather... i just don't want to see the world become even shittier. not to mention i don't want to grow old.

 

[cyberlordsumit]

i have to die before It gets worse

 

[almost_dead]

does anyone else feel this? like you have to die before your mom or pet or loved one dies so you dont have to experience it? is this just me?

i would die of a shock if something good happens to me . My life has been a curse.

 

[Ybother]

I felt similar in the past. I told myself, if ___ doesn't go well or goes awry, then I'll just CTB. Actually that was the case at least twice in 2019.

I make these types of "deals" all the time.

 

[LenkaX]

I want to die before catching covid.

 

[softfuzzyman]

I've been telling myself "I'll just die before x event" my actual entire life and I think that's a huge part of why I'm so messed up and can't function. I'm hugely avoidant due to PTSD and autism and have been depressed and wanting to die since early childhood so absolutely anything stressful my answer is "omg I just gotta kms before then" and sadly it's never worked out so far. Currently I'm supposed to be starting a new job on the 31st that I know I likely won't show up to because... of course, I can barely get out of bed to feed myself, how am I supposed to work in food service, I'm so stressed and anxious and panicked about it that I know I won't go and I don't wanna live with the shame of being such a burnout who can't even handle a fast food job. So I'm trying to CTB before then. Failing that, mid September. Failing that, the election.

 

[draw a circle]

before i become a full fledged adult, which is when i turn 21, which already happened, so it has to be before the year ends.

 

[zeroshark]

before the election; failing that, before christmas. im a fucking sap who loves christmas, i can remember it as one of the only times my family acted normal and it was a safe bet terrible shit wouldnt happen to me. now my family openly wants me dead, so.... nothing to look forward to there.

 

[NationalistKorean]

I more so need to cbt before my depression becomes less of this non-existent feeling. Right now I'm lucky and don't feel depressed only suicidal but I hear depression sucks immensely.