I have a problem

[whatevs]

I'm not interested in seemingly nothing or almost anything. Can't read. Can't watch movies. These stories just look irrelevant, often times not believable at all. I feel like behind every curtain, or beneath all surfaces there is something that I don't want to see but I already have seen. Not the details, but a general sense of dread and disgust.

A classmate in the programming course asked me why I don't play videogames. The truth is that I barely do anything. I started coding because I found it a rewarding way of passing time and not having to think about how alone and out of place I feel. These people keep talking about the stuff that average non-depressed people of this region care about, and I didn't even care about those things when I wasn't depressed, lol. It's all so tiresome, being this person that has strange interests (or no interests) and is sort of there, not really belonging anywhere.

I marvel at the febrile activity that the masses reenact every day, and without reaching nothing interesting, only making computers smaller, biometrics more easy to implement and simulations (fake realities) more sophisticated. On top of the standard sexual reproduction cycle, of course, that never really stops. I don't know... Is anything interesting happening anywhere? Can I feel interested in anything anymore?

One of the things that saddens me is losing sight of people and communities I was a part of. It's like there is no continuity outside of the underlying loneliness. For example, I used to be a huge conspiracy theorist on YouTube, and then some years ago a wave of censorship swept away all the creators I liked, and that included me as a small time creator. Vanished. Only one from these times remains. But this is also applicable to friendships and other scenes.

"Beneath the stains of time, feelings disappear. You are someone else, I'm still right here."

 

[CommitSudoku]

I feel like there are still interesting things, we're just either incapable of taking part or incapable of feeling anything even if we did take part. It's just a slow decay until there's no feeling left. If you ever get an answer to the, "can I feel interested in anything anymore," would love to hear it as I wonder the same.

 

[Gsvko]

The only thing interesting to me is pondering about death, it's like the opposite of SI, but overpowers everything too. You seem to have developed all these interests, but there's nobody to share them with. It almost sounds like you see yourself as superior and refuse to connect with an "average" person. This is coming from a person who isolated a lot. Feel free to discard my guess.

 

[Ada]

Yeah, part of it is just getting older. I still enjoy sitting at the beach, and just looking out on the ocean.

 

[Ligottian]

I used to have a huge passion for 50's and 60's music. I even managed to track down and correspond and talk with a few members of two obscure groups from the early 60's who had minor hits. I did some of it even before I had a computer. No way I'd have the motivation to put in that kind of work today. My interest in the music itself has greatly waned.