I hate myself

[Treeline589]

So as I posted earlier, Im was thinking of calling off this week and finding the courage to CTB. As of right now Im struggling with even calling off work. I know I would feel better if I did, I just don't know why it's so hard. I should be able to at least take some time off to find some courage.

 

[LastFlowers]

I'm sorry you're struggling, this is not an easy decision and it's one to be thought over carefully and extensively.
Maybe you can take off work just to give yourself a break?
You don't have to finalize your decision to ctb yet, dying is difficult even when living is genuinely the worst of the two evils.

 

[TheHatedOne]

don't beat yourself over it, SI is very hard to deal with and you'll see your mind will make up all kinds of strange reasons to remain alive when you start to think more and more about ctb. it's very hard to overcome and the reason why so many of us are still stuck in this meat prison.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is difficult to ctb, more than anything I wish it was easier to leave this world. I know it can be unbearable being trapped in an existence you do not want to live. I'm sorry you are going through this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.