I hate my family but I can't leave them

[LetMeGoPlease]

I hate living with them, they trigger me so hard. But I cannot live alone, I go crazy when I am all alone and I barely take care of myself. But I also can't go live with other people because I am terrified to realize that I really am such a bad and toxic person as my family showed me I am. So I don't want to leave my family because I believe that my toxic problems can only be tolerated at home. I am afraid of other people proving me that my family was right all along. Every boyfriend I had so far proved me that. I was always the toxic one who needed help. I can't stand being this person anymore. I feel so fragile and sensitive as if my skin is turned inside out or like a burn victim. I am too destroyed to be loved. Anyone "loving" me never felt good so I am also accused of being ungrateful. I feel trapped.

 

[WornOutLife]

I felt just like you when I was forced to live with my parents again, last year, because of my failed attempt.
I felt like a prisoner, monitored 24/7!

Hope things can improve somehow! Just try to find a hobby so that you can have your mind focused on any other stuff.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[whywere]

My heart breaks in two for you when I read your post. EVERYONE is special and deserves to feel and be loved and YOU ARE loved here with all of us, your global family! I really like @WornOutLife and his idea of getting a hobby, Matt is so smart on this! You are with YOUR global family here and I send you lots of love, and SUPORT! Bright blue skies for you tomorrow!! Walter

 

[heretogethelp]

I hate living with them, they trigger me so hard. But I cannot live alone, I go crazy when I am all alone and I barely take care of myself. But I also can't go live with other people because I am terrified to realize that I really am such a bad and toxic person as my family showed me I am. So I don't want to leave my family because I believe that my toxic problems can only be tolerated at home. I am afraid of other people proving me that my family was right all along. Every boyfriend I had so far proved me that. I was always the toxic one who needed help. I can't stand being this person anymore. I feel so fragile and sensitive as if my skin is turned inside out or like a burn victim. I am too destroyed to be loved. Anyone "loving" me never felt good so I am also accused of being ungrateful. I feel trapped.

Welcome to 'ordinary' life, stuck with a family that can't stand each other. So damn awful. Honestly.