Venting I hate lying to everyone

[Suicide_vampire]

So as the title says that's how I feel. My family well Mum and Sister and my support worker I just can't be honest with them about my want to ctb, I have said before about how the only thing keeping me here is my dog. But sometimes I resent her, because she is stopping me going through with ctb.
Sometimes I just wish I drink myself into oblivion, I know people here will understand but IRL no one does.
I'm just lost

 

[l0sing]

I'm with you! I dumb down how I'm feeling all the time to my family, mainly to spare them the pain of knowing what I'm really going through inside but also because I want to be left alone because I know they will not leave me alone. I'm here if you need a chat x

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

I know exactly what you mean family just don't get it so you try to put on a brave face just to not upset them.
My dog and my mother are keeping me here but I've had enough.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I know the feeling. There are people in my life who I'm putting off on ctb for, but some days I see them as obstacles, rather than people. It makes me want to do it anyway and let them suffer, but I don't know if I could go through with it when it came down to it.

 

[justfloating]

and everyones saying 'im glad your doing better' and in my head im shouting 'IM REALLY NOT AND YOUR GONNA WISH YOU SAW THROUGH MY ACT' after I cab

 

[Eridanos]

Some things are better left unsaid.
Do you talk with them about how you usually feel? Without mentioning your will to ctb of course

 

[CuddleHug]

Ugh, I know exactly what you're saying, it sucks so fucking much. Without my cat here, I'd probably be gone already. It's not that my family doesn't love me or anything, because they do, but I've somehow overcome the fact that they will suffer if I die. I'm going to leave before them anyway, so what does it matter if I just CTB now? But my cat... I just don't have it in me to give him away. I think about it a lot, but ultimately I'd only take one more step towards CTB and I guess I'm afraid. Plus people would notice my cat is gone and lock me up.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread to vent about my own situation. Suppose you struck a chord or something. I also hate lying to everyone.

Hugs~

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Ugh, I know exactly what you're saying, it sucks so fucking much. Without my cat here, I'd probably be gone already. It's not that my family doesn't love me or anything, because they do, but I've somehow overcome the fact that they will suffer if I die. I'm going to leave before them anyway, so what does it matter if I just CTB now? But my cat... I just don't have it in me to give him away. I think about it a lot, but ultimately I'd only take one more step towards CTB and I guess I'm afraid. Plus people would notice my cat is gone and lock me up.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread to vent about my own situation. Suppose you struck a chord or something. I also hate lying to everyone.

Hugs~

Hijack away, it's good to hear I'm not alone

 

[CuddleHug]

This may be a silly question, but have you told your dog about your plans to CTB? For some reason it suddenly struck me that I could actually talk to my cat about it. I wonder if it would help...

 

[Suicide_vampire]

This may be a silly question, but have you told your dog about your plans to CTB? For some reason it suddenly struck me that I could actually talk to my cat about it. I wonder if it would help...

I talk to my dog all the time, she's a great listener

 

[511115]

I empathize, I struggle with this as well. I'm debating if I should go through with a small window of opportunity to attempt ctb, and meanwhile I'm smiling and acting normal and hating myself every second.

And if i do go through with it, i have to lie to my mom and sneak off in front of her nose. It makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I'm so fucking miserable I dont want to stay.