(TW: SA mentioned)
Hello everyone, I am new, and this is my first post so I thought it would be nice to give a short introduction with my vent. My user is Something Beautiful, inspired by the music Remember Something Beautiful by Machinery of the Human Heart, as I believe there must be something beautiful waiting for us after we CTB (though I am not sure what). I am transmasc, and use he/they pronouns. Now onto the vent..
I really wish I had the courage and strength to be proud of my identity, like many trans people I see in my social groups, like many trans celebrities, instead this label feels like a burden. No matter what I do to try and pass, who I am talking with, it seems like I'll always be seen as a trans man, that I'll never be rid of this dreaded prefix, that I'll never be man enough and always will be a woman playing pretend. And that to affirm my identity as a man I must negate every other aspect of my being, that to be seen as a man I can't enjoy "girly" hobbies, that I can't dress alt, that I need to reinforce toxic masculinity. On top of that, ever since I was SA'd I feel so very afraid (even though it's almost been a year, gosh time feels both at a standstill and very, very fast), and - I am sorry and aware that this judgment is false, and I don't project it onto anyone but myself, nonetheless it's how I feel - I am afraid like a woman, because this is something that happens to women, because this wouldn't have happened if I was just born a man. And we all know that this is the root of the problem, If I was just born a man, the way it was meant to be. I hate this.
Sorry if I sound incoherent, I'm not sure if I'll interact much here on SaSu, but feel free to ask any questions, give tips or just vent with me.
Hello everyone, I am new, and this is my first post so I thought it would be nice to give a short introduction with my vent. My user is Something Beautiful, inspired by the music Remember Something Beautiful by Machinery of the Human Heart, as I believe there must be something beautiful waiting for us after we CTB (though I am not sure what). I am transmasc, and use he/they pronouns. Now onto the vent..
I really wish I had the courage and strength to be proud of my identity, like many trans people I see in my social groups, like many trans celebrities, instead this label feels like a burden. No matter what I do to try and pass, who I am talking with, it seems like I'll always be seen as a trans man, that I'll never be rid of this dreaded prefix, that I'll never be man enough and always will be a woman playing pretend. And that to affirm my identity as a man I must negate every other aspect of my being, that to be seen as a man I can't enjoy "girly" hobbies, that I can't dress alt, that I need to reinforce toxic masculinity. On top of that, ever since I was SA'd I feel so very afraid (even though it's almost been a year, gosh time feels both at a standstill and very, very fast), and - I am sorry and aware that this judgment is false, and I don't project it onto anyone but myself, nonetheless it's how I feel - I am afraid like a woman, because this is something that happens to women, because this wouldn't have happened if I was just born a man. And we all know that this is the root of the problem, If I was just born a man, the way it was meant to be. I hate this.
Sorry if I sound incoherent, I'm not sure if I'll interact much here on SaSu, but feel free to ask any questions, give tips or just vent with me.
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