I had to let him go

[Water-Lily]

Made a connection with a guy I liked. He liked me too. initially it was great and we talked everyday for almost 5-6 months. However I developed a very unhealthy and mentally unstable envy towards him. I became jealous of how he'd talk about how loving his family is, how he has all these understanding friends and loves his college. While I had the opposite traumatic experince. I should be proud of him but instead I compared my life to his and felt jealous. It was getting bad so I just told him I needed a break. Its not fair to him I am harboring feelings I am unwilling to change.

Just shows that I am too mentally unstable to even accept a healthy person. I guess thats why I am attracted to deviant/bad Boys/unhealthy people

 

[Celerity]

Is he interested in you? If so, it seems like you should let this light into your life. See where it leads. If not, I can imagine why that would be super painful.

 

[Water-Lily]

Is he interested in you? If so, it seems like you should let this light into your life. See where it leads. If not, I can imagine why that would be super painful.

I cant let him in because of my deep rage/envy. it was getting to a point where I was lashing out at him too. it wasnt healthy towards him so I decided to let him go for his sake

 

[Celerity]

I cant let him in because of my deep rage/envy. it was getting to a point where I was lashing out at him too. it wasnt healthy towards him so I decided to let him go for his sake

Oh, I'm sorry. If it's worth anything, I only attract unhealthy people too. They're the only ones who can tolerate me for any length of time. Everyone else eventually leaves.

 

[Water-Lily]

Oh, I'm sorry. If it's worth anything, I only attract unhealthy people too. They're the only ones who can tolerate me for any length of time. Everyone else eventually leaves.

I know eventually I would push him away and hurt him further. I do like him genuinely. But I also know I can become abusive and lash out in a second and no person deserves that pain. its better for him in the long run

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

Imo, you should tell him (if you feel comfortable) the real reason why you pushed him away/asked for a break. I think it would be beneficial for both of you. Who knows, he might be tossing and turning wondering about what he did wrong, etc. I think you owe it to both of you to tell the truth. When you tell the truth, the path ahead becomes clearer because you can then decide what to do based on what happened after the truth was revealed and the other person can too. If you see what I mean. Right now, I see potential but no concrete direction because the truth wasn't revealed. When you tell him the truth, either 1. He becomes your support system, wants to help you on this as you date each other. 2. He stops talking to you and wants nothing to do with you. 3. He just wants to stay friends. 4. Etc. You will have a better time deciding for yourself when it's clear what the other person wants/is, when weighed against your truth. Telling the truth will free you from this never-ending doubt, unanswered questions and heavy burden on your shoulders. This is just my opinion.

 

[Water-Lily]

oh we talked already.

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

oh we talked already.

I see, that's great. I'm sorry you're still feeling burdened... I hope everything goes well and ends well.

 

[bea1974]

I know eventually I would push him away and hurt him further. I do like him genuinely. But I also know I can become abusive and lash out in a second and no person deserves that pain. its better for him in the long run

That sounds incredibly thoughtful and selfless of you.
Putting his wants and needs before your own.
Those can be good qualities, in moderation. Need to balance it with some kindness to self as well, maybe?

oh we talked already.

Did you tell him what you've said here? Care to share his response?
No worries if not.

 

[Water-Lily]

Sure. He told me he understand where my jealousy comes from and is open to a relationship

 

[bea1974]

Sure. He told me he understand where my jealousy comes from and is open to a relationship

And you're still not?