Venting I guess I was destined to be alone.

[dustymuck]

 

[tonicer]

It is some kind of curse. I wish i had a girlfriend or just a woman that is my friend and gives me a simple hug when we meet for a museum visit or a theater play or something else.

 

[AnxiousLife]

It's so sad when people are lonely because of the difficulty of finding someone who would care about them

 

[coolcow1289]

I understand. We are all alone in the end.

 

[3spiral]

i feel like this a lot of the time
im accepting that my world is different from other people's (at least who i live with) because of the alienation
its not as if it was anybody's fault. i hope it wasnt my fault at least
it couldve been different but it wasnt
it does make it feel like destiny. like there was nothing i could do to stop myself from turning out this way
like this is just who i am meant to be, the core of my being that im just finding out now
and i might even deserve being uncared for, in a way

 

[Forever Sleep]

I kind of feel this way too although- I'm content this way- fortunately. Do you still try to be around people?

 

[webb&flow]

On a side note. That is an amazing rock image, OP. Where did you find it??

I understand. We are all alone in the end.

not necessarily. there are people who pass away surrounded by their loved ones. there is no reason to support "we are all alone in the end"—hell, this very forum is a testament to how humans can find company in any way in any place; can relate to any thing in their life with another.

"All alone", "in the end", these are vague terms—and they paint an opaque picture—when in reality, life brims with detail of so much of which slips our eyes so easily. We experience loneliness, but there are still moments where we are not lonely—fireflies in darkness render out that "all" in that shade; it is partial—for even in a total solar eclipse, the corona persists.

Do we really understand? I dare say we exist in most profound confusion, at so many times. This can be bad—and it can be good. But our confusion must not be a thought-terminating cliché nor a dead end—but primordial soup for thought to come, realizations we do not know we do not know of.

i feel like this a lot of the time
im accepting that my world is different from other people's (at least who i live with) because of the alienation
its not as if it was anybody's fault. i hope it wasnt my fault at least
it couldve been different but it wasnt
it does make it feel like destiny. like there was nothing i could do to stop myself from turning out this way
like this is just who i am meant to be, the core of my being that im just finding out now
and i might even deserve being uncared for, in a way

anyone who feels loneliness is "destiny" or "divine decree" is merely expressing how they feel out of control, and struggle to feel impact from their actions and intentions.

The truth is—these feelings of "divine decree" are just our brains trying to make sense of feelings of lost control. But feelings of lost control do not necessarily mean the total demolition of actionable steps, nor any actual perfect void of inactability.

I have a long post in progress in which I write about loneliness and its functions in vivid detail, and how human biology relates to it, and what the solution of it looks like in reality. I will link it here once it is posted: for all people who may be curious.

its not as if it was anybody's fault. i hope it wasnt my fault at least

There is fault. The people who engineered the atomization of the individual, capitalism, every one who wielded power against the good of human life, of free time, freedom (economic, social, all kinds)—they are all to blame for the loneliness that the common person feels. The third place did not vanish without cause—it was a result of identifiable factors.

You are forgiving others to guilt yourself even when you have done no wrong—you grew up in flawed cultures in odd societal structures, trying to make sense of things. We are never at fault for just trying to live well and make sense of things <3. We're bound to fuck up when trying to live into harmony in that way, but with every fuck up, there is education written not only into our mind, but our nerves—there is a kind of visceral education that is truly the muscle memory of self-knowledge, and human life.

Just because we do not know what happened, does not mean there was no cause. You may be very tempted to consign whatever you cannot put a cause to—whatever rolls off the tip of your mind's tongue, or falls away from your sight's fingertips—to destiny. But fate is no explanation, and saying "it was going to happen anyway" is more of a thought-terminating cliché than anything. We should not deprive ourselves of explanation. If we do not know why something happened, we ought admit so, blatantly. We should not toss it off to "destiny's gloves" nor fate's brooms, but pick it up and inspect it ourselves—for that is our life, our reality. We should understand it—not regard it as anything beyond us. For if we can know it at a surface level, we can know it at a deeper level. Why not study that? It is better to have some clarity, at least—and it is true freedom to not deprive ourselves of that possibility of deeper understanding. Why do we say "we know"? When there is so much we still have to know. We do not know what we do not know… and this is an awe no invocation of fate can ever register.

Let us think, analyze, be confused, and realize—and not assign any analyzable thing, to a cognitive burial—which is what destiny assignment amounts to. And whatever is buried that way, can be dug up again: and seen again. We should take another look at what we think cannot be seen through.

 

[3spiral]

On a side note. That is an amazing rock image, OP. Where did you find it??


not necessarily. there are people who pass away surrounded by their loved ones. there is no reason to support "we are all alone in the end"—hell, this very forum is a testament to how humans can find company in any way in any place; can relate to any thing in their life with another.

"All alone", "in the end", these are vague terms—and they paint an opaque picture—when in reality, life brims with detail of so much of which slips our eyes so easily. We experience loneliness, but there are still moments where we are not lonely—fireflies in darkness render out that "all" in that shade; it is partial—for even in a total solar eclipse, the corona persists.

Do we really understand? I dare say we exist in most profound confusion, at so many times. This can be bad—and it can be good. But our confusion must not be a thought-terminating cliché nor a dead end—but primordial soup for thought to come, realizations we do not know we do not know of.


anyone who feels loneliness is "destiny" or "divine decree" is merely expressing how they feel out of control, and struggle to feel impact from their actions and intentions.

The truth is—these feelings of "divine decree" are just our brains trying to make sense of feelings of lost control. But feelings of lost control do not necessarily mean the total demolition of actionable steps, nor any actual perfect void of inactability.

I have a long post in progress in which I write about loneliness and its functions in vivid detail, and how human biology relates to it, and what the solution of it looks like in reality. I will link it here once it is posted: for all people who may be curious.


There is fault. The people who engineered the atomization of the individual, capitalism, every one who wielded power against the good of human life, of free time, freedom (economic, social, all kinds)—they are all to blame for the loneliness that the common person feels. The third place did not vanish without cause—it was a result of identifiable factors.

You are forgiving others to guilt yourself even when you have done no wrong—you grew up in flawed cultures in odd societal structures, trying to make sense of things. We are never at fault for just trying to live well and make sense of things <3. We're bound to fuck up when trying to live into harmony in that way, but with every fuck up, there is education written not only into our mind, but our nerves—there is a kind of visceral education that is truly the muscle memory of self-knowledge, and human life.

Just because we do not know what happened, does not mean there was no cause. You may be very tempted to consign whatever you cannot put a cause to—whatever rolls off the tip of your mind's tongue, or falls away from your sight's fingertips—to destiny. But fate is no explanation, and saying "it was going to happen anyway" is more of a thought-terminating cliché than anything. We should not deprive ourselves of explanation. If we do not know why something happened, we ought admit so, blatantly. We should not toss it off to "destiny's gloves" nor fate's brooms, but pick it up and inspect it ourselves—for that is our life, our reality. We should understand it—not regard it as anything beyond us. For if we can know it at a surface level, we can know it at a deeper level. Why not study that? It is better to have some clarity, at least—and it is true freedom to not deprive ourselves of that possibility of deeper understanding. Why do we say "we know"? When there is so much we still have to know. We do not know what we do not know… and this is an awe no invocation of fate can ever register.

Let us think, analyze, be confused, and realize—and not assign any analyzable thing, to a cognitive burial—which is what destiny assignment amounts to. And whatever is buried that way, can be dug up again: and seen again. We should take another look at what we think cannot be seen through.

i understand, it just gets really tiring at some point. the energy you spend trying to analyze your inner and outside world to try to find something or someone "to blame" starts feeling worse than just accepting that things just are the way they are

 

[webb&flow]

i understand, it just gets really tiring at some point. the energy you spend trying to analyze your inner and outside world to try to find something or someone "to blame" starts feeling worse than just accepting that things just are the way they are

Recognizing that things are one way is one thing, and "accepting" (that is, believing that they will be that way forever) is entirely another.

"Accepting that things 'just' are the way they are" is far, far from a "neutral" statement. It acts as if its own proposition is absolute fact, and that it cannot be refuted or investigated but must be "just accepted". There is no "accepting that things just are the way they are"; there is only "accepting the most immediate proposition, of one what thinks things are". Immediately believing the most immediate thought is easy, but often harmful. It is worth resisting harmful thoughts—because they bind and create unhealthy process loops that leave you feeling worse, not better.

I completely understand challenging thoughts takes serious energy. I once consulted with a good friend of mind on this very subject. He told me that if you do not have th energy to fully challenge a thought, that it takes next to no energy to block one. One can block thoughts, if one does not want to accept them. There is immediate acceptance, immediate rejection, and deeper modes: development, and critique.

When we want an immediate action that costs less energy, rejection is a sound answer to that. We have the power to turn down thoughts: and accepting a thought does not make it go away at all. Rejecting it won't either. Both are an exercise of our choice. We always have the power to decide what we wish to think from now on.

You are under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago.

—Alan Watts