I got a call back from the job I applied for. it is the worst news I got

[Water-Lily]

This might seem odd. Why would getting a job offer be bad news? Well, its because of my mental state. I would be a cashier and I said I could work 2 days a week for right now (I'm still in school). My issue is that I know I will inevitably make a mistake, piss someone off, get into an argument with someone over my BPD brain, lash out at people on SS about it, lash out at my family/friends, and will then be forced to either kill myself or hurt myself.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i can understand that. what if instead of lashing out at someone on ss you use ss and vent about your work day when you get home?

 

[Pen>Sword]

Damn. BPD is a b*tch.

 

[Water-Lily]

i can understand that. what if instead of lashing out at someone on ss you use ss and vent about your work day when you get home?

yeah that would be better I know. its jut when I am so heated in the moment it is so hard to control myself

 

[jakaka]

Did the bare minimum and applied for literally one job...and they offered it to me. Have been ignoring the calls every since. Very bad idea since I'm in a profession that isn't just entry level so now I've black listed myself...the self sabotage has taken a whole new level. I didn't think they'd actually offer it to me.

 

[Unicorns]

I don't know what country you're in but I know in the UK when I had a job there was a whole wellness action plan that I completed with my boss. https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/m...oyer-resources/wellness-action-plan-download/
work were actually really understanding. I have bpd too And if I had an episode I was allowed time out and to go for a walk round the lake. Anyway it was helpful.

 

[Water-Lily]

Did the bare minimum and applied for literally one job...and they offered it to me. Have been ignoring the calls every since. Very bad idea since I'm in a profession that isn't just entry level so now I've black listed myself...the self sabotage has taken a whole new level. I didn't think they'd actually offer it to me.

I feel this 100%. I feel working would push me over the edge

 

[Meditation guide]

I feel this 100%. I feel working would push me over the edge

Just take the job. If it doesn't work out oh well. Making mistakes, lashing out and pissing off people happens. Sometimes it can actually be a form of therapy to have a job.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

If you can limit your hours until you can find a better job that's more understanding and suited towards you with less customer interactions, I'd do that. No job is worth dying over.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I hear you. I'm only working part-time hours but still really struggle to manage because of my disability, chronic illnesses and mental illnesses. I probably won't stay in this job for long.

 

[Water-Lily]

I don't know what country you're in but I know in the UK when I had a job there was a whole wellness action plan that I completed with my boss. https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/m...oyer-resources/wellness-action-plan-download/
work were actually really understanding. I have bpd too And if I had an episode I was allowed time out and to go for a walk round the lake. Anyway it was helpful.

That is beautiful! I live in the US so I don't know if anything like that is available here

Just take the job. If it doesn't work out oh well. Making mistakes, lashing out and pissing off people happens. Sometimes it can actually be a form of therapy to have a job.

I always feel like a bad person for pissing people off and being mean intentionally/unintentionally and then am forced to make up for it with death

 

[lofticries]

I have BPD as well but I take everything internally instead of externally.

Once I go back to work I'm afraid I'm gonna fall back into my old habits of self harm, anorexia, and paranoia. Also I can just feel that my ocd tendencies are gonna flare up like crazy.

The only thing that helped me out after a stressful day at work was knocking myself out with sleeping pills.