Story I finally understand that I don't deserve what I want

[Wolf Girl]

Last year, the clinical psychologist who diagnosed me told me that because of my autism, I "don't understand why can't just have what want." I sat with that for a year, not knowing what that meant. But I know now. It means I do not *deserve* what I want.

I was fired from the job I wanted to do more than anything. I convinced myself it was unfair, but it wasn't. I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve the job, the money, or the amazing people there. Nobody reached out to me after I was gone and I stupidly thought they would. But I get it now, I'm not good enough to be friends with normal people either. I had a crush on a guy there who said he loved autistic people, but it turned out he only liked TikTok Girl Awwtism and hated my genuine autistic traits.

It's like this in every area of my life. I am undeserving of success, peace or contentment. I think my psychologist would say I don't understand the social hierarchy of money, looks, social ability, etc because of my autism, so I hope for things that people on my level don't get. I really only deserve a menial job, friends that avoid hanging out with me, and lovers who are never really excited about being with me, etc.

There's nothing special about me. I'm not like other girls, I'm worse. I'm disabled. I'm below average. I'm someone that even many normies believe should be euthanized because my life is not worth living. What the fuck was I made for?

 

[R. A.]

Everyone deserves love, respect, and fulfillment

 

[cookiencream]

Last year, the clinical psychologist who diagnosed me told me that because of my autism, I "don't understand why can't just have what want." I sat with that for a year, not knowing what that meant. But I know now. It means I do not *deserve* what I want.

I was fired from the job I wanted to do more than anything. I convinced myself it was unfair, but it wasn't. I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve the job, the money, or the amazing people there. Nobody reached out to me after I was gone and I stupidly thought they would. But I get it now, I'm not good enough to be friends with normal people either. I had a crush on a guy there who said he loved autistic people, but it turned out he only liked TikTok Girl Awwtism and hated my genuine autistic traits.

It's like this in every area of my life. I am undeserving of success, peace or contentment. I think my psychologist would say I don't understand the social hierarchy of money, looks, social ability, etc because of my autism, so I hope for things that people on my level don't get. I really only deserve a menial job, friends that avoid hanging out with me, and lovers who are never really excited about being with me, etc.

There's nothing special about me. I'm not like other girls, I'm worse. I'm disabled. I'm below average. I'm someone that even many normies believe should be euthanized because my life is not worth living. What the fuck was I made for?

Deserve? But you did nothing to deserve this but be born?

 

[Pluto]

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Im autistic too, the universe seems hell bent on shitting on me at every turn. I dont understand other autistic people who say their life is great and full of loving people. Maybe there is a certain type of autism that is cursed, and we have it.