Venting I finally know what's wrong with my little hollow head

[PlushieLover]

I'm back! Well, I tried to find help with my suicidal tendencies and I have been diagnosticated with "bipolar and anxiety disorder with depressive attacks and onset of schizophrenia" or something like that. I'm actually trying to get better and it kind of work for like 2 weeks but now I feel just as sad and hopeless as ever. That's why I "stopped" visiting this site, but now I feel like I need to write to someone who understands this feeling. I'm still depressed, but at least I'm not hallucinating anymore so that's great.

I know that some stupid pills won't solve how useless I am. So I think I will kill myself, my first option is using SN but is kind of hard to get it so hanging is also a good choice for me at least.

I don't even know if any of what I'm writing make sense, I just wanted to say this to someone. Thanks for reading, love you guys <3

 

[FuneralCry]

Sorry to hear you are suffering, this life can be really tiring. I understand how hard it can be to feel hopeless. I wish you well.

 

[BreakTheCycle]

Having a diagnose might help to see that it's not you who's "useless" as yourself sees it. It's the illnes. It's still no excuse. That's something i had to learn with my BPD but it's still not rly you that's the reason for all this.
But having a name for something does still not help with the burden, the pain or the suffering.
And how do u define being useless ? There'r so many people out there making a lot of cash but with other humans they'r a piece of shit. They'r useless in my opinion. Some that struggles but trys his best just straight up can't be useless.

Still the suffering in life will always continue and it's a burden that many are not willing to take. Just as myself. So I understand if u wanna go because of all the shit that's happening in your life.

Best wishes towards your therapy if u continue and your general strength that will be needed for all these tasks life gives you.

 

[PlushieLover]

And how do u define being useless ?

That's a hard question. I suppose that being useless means that you don't have the skills or the resources to do something. For example, just living costs money so you need to get a job but I feel like I can't have a job because I don't know how to do anything in general. I have no talents, I have no motivation, and I don't have much more money. I will end up being a vagabond or something like that, I'm useless. For me just talking to people is a challenge because my English is not perfect; just crossing the road to buy some milk is hard for me. I'm scared of everything and I wish I was dead. Everybody looks so capable of doing basic stuff, but everything costs me a lot of effort or at least more effort that the average. I hate being myself so much.

 

[june]

Feel relieved?

 

[us_1999]

Whatever your choice would be, wish that you find peace and balance...
I'm also waving between suicidal ideation and living. I've been down recently but I'm still here. There must be something that keeps me here but it's invisible, I can't grasp it in my hands.
If one day our ups and downs can accept each other and become one, we might become fuller human beings..
(pardon my English)