I feel worng when i feel some joy

[NoMoreSanity]

Hi all. I'm new here. I wanted to share my thoughts on some emotions I've been struggling with. For starters I align with philosophical pessimist ideas and promortlaism( this is important ). I wanted to share my grief with enjoyment. I know life is shit and wrong, but I have hobbies and do other things like video games or guitar and other things. These things bring me some "joy" but with my views on the world and such, it feels wrong to enjoy them, or anything. I feel like I should be miserable, and I feel guilt and gross when I feel good. I know my copes don't make life worth living, but they make me feel some fleeting sense of good. I know the

 

[Coin]

Your last sentence seems to have been cut off: what did you mean to say?

I used to share your point of view on frequent occasions. At least for me, part of the guilt and shame stem from a personal belief that joy and happiness is only deserved after earning it. This begs the question of what it means to earn joy. Is it as simple as 'enough money to afford = earned'? Or is it only earned by helping others to feel the same or better level of joy? Or is it neither of these and some other cause that I have not mentioned? This constant questioning brought me a lot of pain over a decade.

This is no longer an issue I think about frequently as a direct result of my anhedonia.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Same. I sometimes cry at the extreme guilt and shame just for feeling normal-ish for a second.
Just feel extremely undeserving.
I see that evil prospers and know on paper just-world fallacy (and for my mind the need for consistency/rationality, so I guess 'sensible-world' fallacy) just that: fallacious.
But unfortunately, it seems I can't just "will" myself to be sadistic dark tetrad like majority of humans. The way my genetics and environment have setup my mind, I cannot thrive in this world, and I cannot thrive with my own history of horrendous decision-making.

 

[NoMoreSanity]

Same. I sometimes cry at the extreme guilt and shame just for feeling normal-ish for a second.
Just feel extremely undeserving.
I see that evil prospers and know on paper just-world fallacy (and for my mind the need for consistency/rationality, so I guess 'sensible-world' fallacy) just that: fallacious.
But unfortunately, it seems I can't just "will" myself to be sadistic dark tetrad like majority of humans. The way my genetics and environment have setup my mind, I cannot thrive in this world, and I cannot thrive with my own history of horrendous decision-making.

I hate feeling this. I understand you to well. I still have the desire to want joy, but know it's worng

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

but know it's worng

It isn't. Joy, sadness, all life's experiences.
Don't feel guilty for getting something pleasant to happen to you for a change.
Although I very much do understand the sentiment due to far too much guilt and some other things from my part, logically, no. It isn't a crime.