I feel weird today

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I don't know how to really explain it tbh
I feel like not existing and just dying rn
I am triggered beyond triggered
I can never just feel at peace
Usually there is some flashback, some trigger, and I am back to wanting to kill myself
It never freaking ends

I am also afraid to look at responses to my other posts
Throughout life I was always inevitable abused by my mom all the time for anything so I am just afraid of people
Though that doesn't leave much room for growth I guess

Maybe....I am not a good person
Maybe I am just like my mom and....maybe this world doesn't need someone as disgusting as me

Could be true could be not true

 

[Stavrogin]

Maybe....I am not a good person
Maybe I am just like my mom and....maybe this world doesn't need someone as disgusting as me

Could be true could be not true

I feel you. Uncertainty and indecision are painful; to be lukewarm and neither hot nor cold is hell.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

The thoughts process, yeah, I can understand. Constantly bad ones coming back to haunt, then going away, leaving you in pain.
That's strange though, sometimes I get the same fear, about what people may have replied to me.
Despite everything bad that has happened to me too, I feel like such a burden at times... Guess that is the reason for the fear.

I honestly do not think any of this is your fault and I believe there is good within you. I'd say it's not your fault, for any of this...
I am sorry that today you are experiencing so many triggers.

 

[Fullof pain]

I too am afraid of people and I understand the fear, as people equal pain. So therefore best avoided. We take on the messages we have heard from others, ie that we are not good enough. The truth is that this is their problem and not ours. But we have heard it so often that we believe it. Trust me when I say that you are a worthwhile, articulate and intelligent person. It is evident in how you express yourself.