Venting I feel so lost

[Uwa]

Heyyy I kinda have to write this quick so sorry for any typos!

Today I was on call with my friends when my mom asked me to straighten up the kitchen. I had no problem with it because I clean the kitchen all the time and it's no big deal. I threw away trash, cleaned crumbs off the counters, stuff like that. Then a couple hours later she starts yelling at me because I didn't sweep the floor or wash someone else's dishes. I know it seems like it's not a lot but it feels like a lot to me. I clean all the time, even without being asked, but it's like all that I do just isn't apparent anymore when I mess up once. I don't feel like I deserved to be belittled because I made a small mistake, but she always does shit like this. Every day I have to deal with her taking her anger out on me because every relationship she tries to be in fails. I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it. Sometimes I just wish she didn't exist anymore. I hate that I have to pretend to love her just because she gave birth to me, because I don't love her. I hate her. With every inch of my body, I hate her. Every second of sadness and pain in my life has been because of her, so I don't think she deserves my love at all. Not one but of it. I don't have any more friends I can say this stuff too because I feel like I'm over reacting, but Im not. I know I'm not. She has done stuff to be that if people knew about it would justify my hatred towards her. I forgot what I was trying to say with this post. But I relapsed again. It's not like I had a long streak anyways, I relapsed a couple days ago. I hope I will get better but I know I won't. Anyways, thank you so much for reading and have a good night or day or whatever!!

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Heyyy I kinda have to write this quick so sorry for any typos!

Today I was on call with my friends when my mom asked me to straighten up the kitchen. I had no problem with it because I clean the kitchen all the time and it's no big deal. I threw away trash, cleaned crumbs off the counters, stuff like that. Then a couple hours later she starts yelling at me because I didn't sweep the floor or wash someone else's dishes. I know it seems like it's not a lot but it feels like a lot to me. I clean all the time, even without being asked, but it's like all that I do just isn't apparent anymore when I mess up once. I don't feel like I deserved to be belittled because I made a small mistake, but she always does shit like this. Every day I have to deal with her taking her anger out on me because every relationship she tries to be in fails. I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of it. Sometimes I just wish she didn't exist anymore. I hate that I have to pretend to love her just because she gave birth to me, because I don't love her. I hate her. With every inch of my body, I hate her. Every second of sadness and pain in my life has been because of her, so I don't think she deserves my love at all. Not one but of it. I don't have any more friends I can say this stuff too because I feel like I'm over reacting, but Im not. I know I'm not. She has done stuff to be that if people knew about it would justify my hatred towards her. I forgot what I was trying to say with this post. But I relapsed again. It's not like I had a long streak anyways, I relapsed a couple days ago. I hope I will get better but I know I won't. Anyways, thank you so much for reading and have a good night or day or whatever!!

Streak? Are you cutting?

Looks like she is just looking for a reason to take it out on you

That cycle of pain for you must be so hard

 

[Uwa]

Streak? Are you cutting?

Looks like she is just looking for a reason to take it out on you

That cycle of pain for you must be so hard

Yeahh, I've been cutting for a while now. I try to stay clean but it never really works.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Make sure you burn it over a lighter for a bit or youll get tetanus

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Hi Nicole

 

[Uwa]

Hi Nicole

Hi Nicole

 

[glassskin]

some people really don't deserve their kids. fk that bitch. you don't gotta love her just because she gave birth to you. you never consented to be born.
i've been an emotional punching bag for my mother for decades until i moved out so i know how that feels. so many irl normies will gaslight me with "be grateful for the life she gave you" or "forgive and forget" or "all parents love their kids, she just doesn't know how to show it" or whatever and it's all bullshit. they had good parents and can't imagine a situation where people create children just to feel powerful by bullying a weaker being. you're not overreacting. your experience and anger is justified and don't let other people convince you otherwise.
you can't let her win. outlive her toxic ass so we can celebrate together when they die. "ding dong the witch's dead!~"