M19R
Member
- Aug 12, 2024
- 27
Its my first time posting here and things arr pretty bad so im sorry if it's disorganized. I feel like ive lost all hope with no way out.
For everyone to understand i need to give a little background about me and the people i love. Im trans and extremely disabled, physically and mentally. I live in a household with multiple other adults that i am not related to or romantically involved with and we consider this a family. Found family situation and all that.
It used to be that i felt i had finally found my place and purpose in the world. Things have started to go terribly wrong though and it's just wrung me dry of all the hope and joy i had for the world.
I got a girlfriend, the first person i had ever really felt this way about for real, i wasn't certain I was capable of it before honestly she still might be the only exception to that.
In short succession my great grandma died amd my relationship ended. Then my roommate who had been driving the car i bought for me and my best friend in the world dur to some car troubles drove that car into the ground, she hasn't replaced it or taken responsibility, and everything she's said was a plan to make things better just hasnt happened. She's also the general manager at my job. Im able to work one day a week in extreme pain but it's better than having nothing, because im told by my lawyer that im unlikely to get disability for at least another two years. Even then it's about a 45% chance.
Now my job is at risk too, about a week ago my gm roommate told me that at some near point in the future she's going to have to fire me, essentially because im too useless to have around at work, listed one of the reasons as me being unable to get to work on my own, when i could if she didn't break the car.
So ive got this awful unfair sword of damocles over my head and then what do you know? One of my other roommates has been laid off. That puts us at 6 people, 4 cats, 3 incomes (includingmy shitty one), and one with dwindling savings, and the threat of mine going away too.
I cant even go out to get groceries anymore because of the transportation issues, but ive needed less of them anyway because i haven't really been able to eat from all the stress. I cant even talk about it to anyone about this irl so its just building up forever. I only get to sleep anymore by drugging myself up with weed and cough medicine and that emptiness is the thing i look forward to most in the world.
I dont know if there's any way things get better when they just keep getting worse like this. When do i call it? Ive been thinking about giving it until the day after my birthday, about a month now. One last nice day, and then then next im gone. I think itd be a nice way to leave everything i dont know, im open to help or feedback here i just dont see a way out of the spiral.
Will my family hate me if i do this? Do i have a choice?
For everyone to understand i need to give a little background about me and the people i love. Im trans and extremely disabled, physically and mentally. I live in a household with multiple other adults that i am not related to or romantically involved with and we consider this a family. Found family situation and all that.
It used to be that i felt i had finally found my place and purpose in the world. Things have started to go terribly wrong though and it's just wrung me dry of all the hope and joy i had for the world.
I got a girlfriend, the first person i had ever really felt this way about for real, i wasn't certain I was capable of it before honestly she still might be the only exception to that.
In short succession my great grandma died amd my relationship ended. Then my roommate who had been driving the car i bought for me and my best friend in the world dur to some car troubles drove that car into the ground, she hasn't replaced it or taken responsibility, and everything she's said was a plan to make things better just hasnt happened. She's also the general manager at my job. Im able to work one day a week in extreme pain but it's better than having nothing, because im told by my lawyer that im unlikely to get disability for at least another two years. Even then it's about a 45% chance.
Now my job is at risk too, about a week ago my gm roommate told me that at some near point in the future she's going to have to fire me, essentially because im too useless to have around at work, listed one of the reasons as me being unable to get to work on my own, when i could if she didn't break the car.
So ive got this awful unfair sword of damocles over my head and then what do you know? One of my other roommates has been laid off. That puts us at 6 people, 4 cats, 3 incomes (includingmy shitty one), and one with dwindling savings, and the threat of mine going away too.
I cant even go out to get groceries anymore because of the transportation issues, but ive needed less of them anyway because i haven't really been able to eat from all the stress. I cant even talk about it to anyone about this irl so its just building up forever. I only get to sleep anymore by drugging myself up with weed and cough medicine and that emptiness is the thing i look forward to most in the world.
I dont know if there's any way things get better when they just keep getting worse like this. When do i call it? Ive been thinking about giving it until the day after my birthday, about a month now. One last nice day, and then then next im gone. I think itd be a nice way to leave everything i dont know, im open to help or feedback here i just dont see a way out of the spiral.
Will my family hate me if i do this? Do i have a choice?
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