Venting I feel like it's my time but I cannot die

[SoulWhisperer]

Once again kicked out of home by my abusive parents, I'm day 3 at my grandparents, and neither of those families want me around as they call me a burden.

I open DMC link after months: it's gone. I don't have anything. I saw the catastrophe in front of me and thought it was time, but maybe not... It feels like a false prophecy for the moment. What I mean is: Ever since I got kicked I started to feel physically under the rain, I'm perpetually hollow inside and depressed, very depressed.

Wanting to live, being unable to. Wanting to CTB, being unable to. No support, no anything.

School is killing me, everything is. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to CTB, I got nothing to do. I feel like a ghost because I truly have no willpower and abilities right now. I'm just existing by definition, but I died long ago.

There is nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. I'm stuck I don't feel like I have a home because I belong on the streets, dead on them. I don't have family, friends, a lover, help. I'm a-l-o-n-e.

This is torture.

 

[DivineSpark]

I am sorry that you are in hellish situation. Me on other hand, I have kind and supportive parents, siblings and friends. Yet I am suicidal. I shouldnt be like this. I have my own place where I live.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I am sorry that you are in hellish situation. Me on other hand, I have kind and supportive parents, siblings and friends. Yet I am suicidal. I shouldnt be like this. I have my own place where I live.

No one's the same, an insurmountable problem for someone could be an effortless task for someone else and vice versa, everyone deals with their own things, it's okay...

 

[Dejected 55]

I think maybe there are circumstances where the pain is so great and in that exact moment you have complete access to something that will work, and the impulse strikes and it might be "easy" in that singular moment... but I think the rest of the time it takes just a little too long to get to the place of actually doing the deed that you have too much time to think and overthink and even if you really want it, the impulse has passed and it makes it tough.

For the people who turn things around, this is a good thing. For many of the rest of us that just continue to wallow in our misery, it can be horrible.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I think maybe there are circumstances where the pain is so great and in that exact moment you have complete access to something that will work, and the impulse strikes and it might be "easy" in that singular moment... but I think the rest of the time it takes just a little too long to get to the place of actually doing the deed that you have too much time to think and overthink and even if you really want it, the impulse has passed and it makes it tough.

For the people who turn things around, this is a good thing. For many of the rest of us that just continue to wallow in our misery, it can be horrible.

For me it shall be an act of pity before my physical condition worsens and before the illusion of a "stable/functional" life vanishes. I don't wanna CTB for fun, I just... Wanna be able to leave before true hell comes. I understand your point, although I don't really have much to say, I just know what has happen from this day up to the 6 years behind me, unpleasantries in increasing value, and ahead is just something even worse. I was cursed with the inability to change anything despite my efforts...