It's very humiliating... I can't do my thing. By the way, people think I'm a bum because they're putting me even more to do. I'm going through several simultaneous mournings (for a bipolar it's terrible), I can't take it anymore... I'm using all my energy and being to cope (and for what? It doesn't make sense) But, in practice, I have little access to methods (most are unreliable), I'm also afraid of several things (not death itself...).
I need help... even if it's to last a few more days, because I can't kill myself. Nobody sees my pain nobody! since april when my country (Brazil) went through a strong wave of covid-19 i am no longer the same (and look, i already had the disorder). Everyone asks about my surviving family members (although I also have heart damage), but no one talks to me to ask how I feel.
And believe me, I have a lot of empathy, but I feel abandoned (and some still blame me for everything).
My life will never be normal, I will have to take care of my mother more than ever and my family controls me a lot (I can't get away from it).
I took care of my cousin (15 years old) and my mentally handicapped uncle for about 40 days while my grandmother died and my mother was in the ICU, even then people attacked me as guilty (how could they miss me? why not I can go?)
I can't explain everything I feel, I'm 23 years old, I lost a lot of time, I'm a shit, I don't have a formal job. It never made or makes sense to me...
I need help... even if it's to last a few more days, because I can't kill myself. Nobody sees my pain nobody! since april when my country (Brazil) went through a strong wave of covid-19 i am no longer the same (and look, i already had the disorder). Everyone asks about my surviving family members (although I also have heart damage), but no one talks to me to ask how I feel.
And believe me, I have a lot of empathy, but I feel abandoned (and some still blame me for everything).
My life will never be normal, I will have to take care of my mother more than ever and my family controls me a lot (I can't get away from it).
I took care of my cousin (15 years old) and my mentally handicapped uncle for about 40 days while my grandmother died and my mother was in the ICU, even then people attacked me as guilty (how could they miss me? why not I can go?)
I can't explain everything I feel, I'm 23 years old, I lost a lot of time, I'm a shit, I don't have a formal job. It never made or makes sense to me...
