I feel like I'm healing and not

[canyounotbesad]

I have a history of SH and suicidal thoughts. I feel like I've had them since I could remember things. Lately, I feel like I've been doing better. I'm in therapy and I take meds to help stabilize. I don't feel the need to harm myself anymore. But I feel like I'm not actually getting better. I've been drinking so much more, and it started about 2 years ago; Before I had a healthy relationship with it. I know this can and will become a bigger issue very fast. I'm fairly healthy outside of this too; I work out, I eat right, I hang out with friends etc etc. I feel like I'm using it as a mask cause at my age being drunk is more accepted than wanting to catch the bus. I know this might not be the best site/thread to talk about this, but I don't know where to turn without getting the same advice and feeling worse about this. Have any of you struggled with this? How did you overcome it? I don't want to give alcohol up completely, but I also don't want to get worse.

 

[timf]

Sometimes people can spend so much time fighting the negative, that they neglect to build the positive. One thing often neglected is helping others. Often a focus on self can create such a focus that even when the tide is turned, too much time focusing on oneself can begin to open the door to the negative again. You might consider volunteer work to help broaden your focus.

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

This podcast might help (lots of episodes to go through):

It starts with acceptance and seeking recovery. It's hard at first to admit we have an addiction issue. The way addictions play out is through a slope. As we go down the slope, at each point we think it's not that bad, but looking back we do notice it got worse and worse.

We might feel shame about it, though know it's not a matter of willing it out when it comes to seeking help. A trauma specialized therapist is one of the options to start exploring the underlying causes of the addiction (addiction is a symptom of an underlying cause).

It's never too late to speak to someone who's safe, non judgmental and has the tools to help you out.