I feel like I was killed

[noname223]

I was abused physically for over a decade by my mom. Since then my brain is wired on suicide. I started eating a lot (further she gave me way too much unhealthy food) and got bullied in school for that. My life always was torture and ever will be. I never had a chance. I think there is no real choice for me. I am a mess, working is impossible and all my life goals seem not reachable. The biochemicals in my brain torture me. Not sure how long I have to endure it further. Commiting suicide is also very stressful for me but slowly I am approaching it.
I have many illnesses that make my life not worth living but there is currently not enough pain that I would do it. Still I don't know a way out of this dilemma...
I wish she would have literally killed me instead of abusing me this much. Now she is like I am sorry but you don't abuse a child over 10 years strongly without being a monster.

 

[Efilismislife]

I CAN RELATE SO MUCH. And my banner profile is also your thread title. Im sorry for what you been through. Getting abused by your own parents/family is the worst

you dont even asked to be born. but you have to suffer from their abused. Thats so messed up.

In my case its not only 1 person who abused me in family. its so crazy.

"you don't abuse a child over 10 years strongly without being a monster."
true, this is also what i said. But they keep scapegoating me. Its more than 10 years for me.

Human can be so evil&heartless

And to top it off i got rare disease because of them which also tortures me from every sides. So im tortured by many things.

Not sure how long I have to endure it further. Commiting suicide is also very stressful for me but slowly I am approaching it.
I have many illnesses that make my life not worth living but there is currently not enough pain that I would do it. Still I don't know a way out of this dilemma...

Same. i dont know why i still cant ctb. Because im afraid of not knowing if im going to bring myself to better place or adding the misery. Since i dont seem to have good luck im skeptical. If i can find way out

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through, people can be so cruel. It makes me ashamed of being human hearing what people have had to deal with. This life really can be exhausting, I have always been unable to cope with life and mine simply isn't worth living for many reasons. The fact that I could have decades left fills me with dread and the process of suicide brings me stress too.