I feel like I need to ctb before life throws me bigger commitments

[stoicseal]

I'm relatively young, and although I once dreamed of having a family and my own children, I've realized that given the volatility of my mental state that's just not the responsible choice. I've been suicidal since childhood, and even though I've had good times, the drive to kill myself never completely goes away and I spiral quite often.

And the last thing I would want is to find myself here again when I'm a mother, fighting my own will to live and also desperately trying to hold on for the sake of my kids. I'm scared I wouldn't win, and then I'd be traumatizing innocent souls for life.

Better to do it now when no one really needs me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. I know that it can be so dreadful when everything seems hopeless. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.

 

[Lost Magic]

That's why I never wanted kids. I knew that I would end up passing some of my messed up genes on them and be an unfit parent with my own mental issues. The world doesn't need more children anyway. We are already at population overload and resources are getting scarcer. I think we need more people having less people. It would better the planet anyway. Humans already suck, we don't need more of them.

 

[hush hush]

I'm relatively young, and although I once dreamed of having a family and my own children, I've realized that given the volatility of my mental state that's just not the responsible choice. I've been suicidal since childhood, and even though I've had good times, the drive to kill myself never completely goes away and I spiral quite often.

And the last thing I would want is to find myself here again when I'm a mother, fighting my own will to live and also desperately trying to hold on for the sake of my kids. I'm scared I wouldn't win, and then I'd be traumatizing innocent souls for life.

Better to do it now when no one really needs me.

Please don't have them, they will not necessarily cure your suicidality or fix the reasons that made you suicidal in first place, instead they will become a boulder and chain regarding CTB, so you could end up trapped. Also, why would you expect your children to like life, since you don't like it yourself.

 

[stoicseal]

That's why I never wanted kids. I knew that I would end up passing some of my messed up genes on them and be an unfit parent with my own mental issues. The world doesn't need more children anyway. We are already at population overload and resources are getting scarcer. I think we need more people having less people. It would better the planet anyway. Humans already suck, we don't need more of them.

Right, I think it's kind of sick to bring children into this world in the state that it's in. Especially if i'm going to fuck them over genetically.

I did always like the idea of raising a happy being and giving them everything I never had. Just one more dream I'll have to put to death and grieve I guess

Please don't have them, they will not necessarily cure your suicidality or fix the reasons that made you suicidal in first place, instead they will become a boulder and chain regarding CTB, so you could end up trapped. Also, why would you expect your children to like life, since you don't like it yourself.

You're right, I know it would be stupid. I'll have to ctb before im forced to be a mother against my will I guess (given the roe v wade situation) or before I delude myself into thinking I can handle it.