Discussion I feel devoid of empathy for who I will leave behind, do you?

[Emerita]

I usually consider myself empathetic, but I can't seem to care about the pain I might leave. I wonder if something is wrong with me. I can't even write a note or say "I'm sorry." It's as if they don't cross my mind, except in this moment of reflection on my emptiness.

I understand grief, yet in my own death it feels nonexistent. I only see the end. Music brings me no joy, food has no taste, and I wake up feeling as if I never slept. I talk without meaning and move without purpose. I feel like nothing, like nobody.

My only desire is to die. Nothing else matters, and as harsh as it sounds, they don't matter to me right now. I can't feel for my family, it's as if I look through them, I can't truly see them. Maybe if they cared I would be able to care?

Does anyone else feel this way? Unable to care for those you will leave behind? I've tried to say sorry, but I can't say what I don't feel. It's like they aren't real to me. Maybe I'm not sorry, and perhaps that's cruel. I just want to go. I'm done. I never felt loved by them, the only love I felt was artificial, a drug, a stupid substance.

Do you feel this way, or can you still care for those you leave behind?

 

[quietwoods]

Depends on the day. Sometimes I want to leave notes for everybody and make sure to organize my estate and affairs as well as possible so my death will be easier.

Other times I'm just exhausted by constantly having to organize my thoughts and actions around making things easier for others when my whole life very few others have reciprocated that effort on a similar level.

CTB is already hard enough.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do care (unfortunately.) It's what's trapping me here. Even about people who's lives I've barely been a part of. I hope it's not some sort of narcissistic appreciation of myself. I think it's more just how disturbing death and suicide is. Not that I've experienced mourning a suicide really- asides from people here. But, death's been very disruptive in my life.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

Yes, I feel this way. Idgaf who I leave behind to be honest.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I still feel empathy for my brothers, but not so much for my parents. Perhaps it's crass, but the way I see it--and this is a general rule--if you aren't prepared for the possibility that your child might have a life so intolerable that they want to end it, then you shouldn't have kids.

 

[bankai]

I don't have empathy for the ones I leave behind. they're way better off than me.

I can definitely leave them behind no problem. mother and sister and a few friends. they all love life. I am unable to. I'm trying. I just can't.

I'll still try my very best till the end and struggle on.

Also I could have written your post word for word.

 

[deathisapanacea]

I have the same feeling too. I will leave them enough money to make up for my presence. That's all I can do. I am not feeling guilty for being so emotionless. I am just built this way.

 

[Ezrazzle]

I do care and I know I'll greatly upset those I leave behind however when I imagine what it will be like and what they'll feel…rather than making me feel bad it makes me even more determined to ctb. I think part of me kinda…wants to put some of them through some pain which is twisted. I'm not doing this for them I'm doing it for me but I can't help feeling it.

 

[Luke77]

I usually consider myself empathetic, but I can't seem to care about the pain I might leave. I wonder if something is wrong with me. I can't even write a note or say "I'm sorry." It's as if they don't cross my mind, except in this moment of reflection on my emptiness.

I understand grief, yet in my own death it feels nonexistent. I only see the end. Music brings me no joy, food has no taste, and I wake up feeling as if I never slept. I talk without meaning and move without purpose. I feel like nothing, like nobody.

My only desire is to die. Nothing else matters, and as harsh as it sounds, they don't matter to me right now. I can't feel for my family, it's as if I look through them, I can't truly see them. Maybe if they cared I would be able to care?

Does anyone else feel this way? Unable to care for those you will leave behind? I've tried to say sorry, but I can't say what I don't feel. It's like they aren't real to me. Maybe I'm not sorry, and perhaps that's cruel. I just want to go. I'm done. I never felt loved by them, the only love I felt was artificial, a drug, a stupid substance.

Do you feel this way, or can you still care for those you leave behind?

No I fucking hate them all

 

[JimBob500]

I care about the people who have shown me love. But it's enough now. They will be fine without me. It's time.

 

[Rynalia]

I can't tell if it's genuine empathy or me just forcing myself to act in an empathetic way and make decisions that are societally expected of someone like me.

The moment I'm away from people it's like everything that just took place turned into dust and was blown away without a trace. No lasting feelings, no lingering thoughts.

Even when thinking about what could happen after I happen to succeed in ctb'ing, I can't feel any particularly strong emotions. There's a disconnect that exists and it really drives home how much of a different world I live in compared to the rest of them.

I'm the only one who has to put daily effort into trying to be happy. I'm the only one who has to adjust accordingly to fit the mood. I even have to sacrifice bits and pieces of myself to make these people feel better at times. I stick out like a sore thumb amongst these shining, sparkling people. It's really hard for me to empathize with them.

Or is it the other way around and they can't empathize with me because I'm just too different?

 

[Catchingdabus27]

I just think everyone / anyone truly impacted knows about my suicidality enough/ is sick of it enough to just... not experience much grief. I feel like they'll all just be relieved. Like beyond depressed feels this feels like facts not feelings so.

I dunno if thats me becoming devoid of empathy or being wrapped in my own bullshit but J truly believe this world is better off without me.


Ik im better off outta this world bc this "living" aint living and this life isnt a life.


It has to come to an end. & sooner rather than later. So.

 

[leloyon]

Already wrote about it in detail in another thread, so not much point yapping even more about it, but nope, not really.

There's only a small amount of people I'll leave behind, and they are either directly responsible for my suffering, or they have a better life than me anyway. The amount of pain my death will cause them will be minute compared to the amount of suffering I feel in a single day.