I fear death now

[nonliv]

Reading a method someone tried with stabbing themselves and the gruesome details actually made me fearful. I've attempted before but only with medicine and alchohol and I'm pretty sure the survivability was very high, so I wouldn't call it that bad, but hearing someone talk about their attempt, in such vivid detail, made me actually shaky and nervous. I hope my suicidal thoughts don't come back, and in a way I'm thankfull since this person made me think more clearly

 

[Pepper]

Tried that method - exsanguination. Did it after downing alcohol and klonopin. It definitely wasn't a pleasurable feeling, and all I ended up doing was puncturing my lung. Highly don't recommend. This past week I saw someone on TikTok who did a storytime on how he did the same thing, but he actually hit his heart and needed surgery. He told the entire story with jokes. Funny kid, but holy fuck that story was wild.

 

[Kamaainakupua]

Sometimes a healthy fear is exactly what we need to refocus on recovery, and redirect in a positive way. I got to SaSu while re-reading about a particularly graphic bus-catching incident, and it compelled me to step up my activities in terms of finding a safe community where I could feel part of, while continuing to grow and get better. Thanks for reminding me that sometimes a negative example is the best deterrent.