I have been so indifferent and without initiative all my life. I have never been in harmony with my feelings. I am stressed or so schematic. Routine rules me and I can't change it. It often feels like I'm just not thinking. As if someone said you have to play in this show and I just don't want to do it. I don't know why I should endure, since it doesn't matter to me anyway. Only pills make me feel more indifferent, but I just don't feel right. I have nothing that I really wanted to fight for or what I want to get. The biggest problem in my case is that I can't and won't adapt. I am simply average, or at least emotionally illiterate. I don't know how to motivate myself to play jokes, smiles and get information for the benefit, and I can't play only for the benefit. Most of the time, I just try to avoid my suffering. The things that interested me already bore me. This civilization, wasted on suffering, killed me. I don't want a gold watch and billions or glowing cars. I always land in the same place mentally. After all, I did not ask for my life and I have never wanted it. In addition, "Californication" plays happily in my heart. Being at that point is depressing. I don't want to convince myself to life rather. Anyone have any tips on how to reduce the survival instinct?
My life has been good enough so far. Rather, I never had any good goals. I want to choose my moment of death.
My life has been good enough so far. Rather, I never had any good goals. I want to choose my moment of death.
